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Juliet Brando
@sliderulesyou
Writer, Artist, Abominatrix. For live comedy in Hastings (after the apocalypse) see
Joined March 2009
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Replying to
I've turned up there in a latex catsuit before!
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I remember several years ago when it was about to be my birthday but my ex had gone to bed, so I went to the pub on my own with a book and THE BEST CAT joined me there. Same cat. At the stroke of midnight, he jumped on the table and yelled MAAAH in my face.
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I am fully twatted. There has been wine. All I need now is the best cat to visit and it's all sorted, but he may be in house arrest.
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I like to think that bbc4 has put on tonight specifically for Drunk Me because my birthday is in half an hour, even though some random twat chose it for a crown or something to steal my spotlight.
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Also, for some reason, the sex people had overturned my car and thrown it in a ditch. Those were mean sex people.
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Fell asleep in an uncomfortable position and had a dream about getting squashed under a literal shag pile at a sex party. I was trying to get up off the sofa, but the writhing heap of nudes hadn't noticed, so I got stuck under them. Couldn't breathe.
Woke up with a bad back.
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Peter, The First Talking Tom Cat by Adolph Friedländer - c. 1913 – Flashback Shop buff.ly/3AYJ19g
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All video and music by AI. I'm glad it still can't do hands or figure out how drinking works.
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We're having a bit of a whip around for the new King. Can anybody spare a few quid?
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I just accidentally uploaded this instead of my invoice on a company's invoicing portal and I can't delete it
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The problem isn’t the dinghies when sold. It’s inflation.
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Replying to
‘Hairy Monster goes to the disco’ by my son when he was 6.
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I love the spin the morning of a bad election result. "Well it's been a disappointing night but we're not literally dead. The media predicted we were all going to explode like balloons filled with blood and bone and that hasn't happened. We haven't gone on fire."
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American tourists getting ready to leave their hotel and have 3 pints in Temple Bar
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Great news coming through. Women being turned away at the polls because the name on the ID is different from the name the polling station has got. Great advance from the Tories: suppressing women voting. Hooray.
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Word of the day, again, is ‘stiffrump’ (18th century): one who sticks obstinately to the same path despite clear evidence it’s the wrong one.
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1876) Specialhatbot. Has got a very special and important hat. Please pay attention to the hat. Look at the hat. You're not looking at the hat enough. LOOK AT THE HAT MORE. IT'S AN IMPORTANT HAT. SPEND THE WHOLE DAY THINKING ABOUT THE HAT PLEASE.
read image description
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Really hope Charles does the Full Monty dance again at the coronation.
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Dance like you’ve never actually seen anyone dance before but are contractually obliged too
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To get my university ID card I had to produce: proof of address, p45/p60, passport, 3 degree certificates, NI number and 6 references. When my MIL loses her bus pass she rings up and they send her another one.Yet her bus pass is suitable ID and my university ID card isn’t
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my mom is a lawyer and when i was like 13 we got in an argument and she accidentally called me "your honour". never really came back from that one.
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Being a nonce has no consequences in this UK
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"Prince Andrew has kept quiet, he’s made some big errors, but he’s not attacking his own family. So I think he’ll be better received than Harry."
Royal fans camping outside the palace welcome Prince Andrew, but not Harry, to the coronation.
#TimesRadio
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Close to reaching semantic satiation with the word ‘drubbing’, and it’s only eight o’clock.
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