Al Dente

@six_2_and_even

one way to understand wood grain is to pet a cat

Massachusetts
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2013.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    30. svi 2019.

    (seagull picking away at tossed haute cuisine out behind dumpster) This line caught sea bass with chestnuts...c'est magnifiquKA KA KA KA WEEEEEO KA KA KA KA KA

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 minuta

    Whatever, hissing raccoon. Sitting there, judging me. I didn't mean to throw the cake in the trash so it's still fair game.

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I drank an ounce of pure vitamin c mixed with twenty scoops of creatine powder and a dudebro just lit a cigarette off my eyebrows

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    I'm sorry you thought my subtweet to onion rings was about you.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    Words to live by.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    10. sij

    I've always found the Tudor period of Royal history the most exciting but 10 out of 10 to Meghan and Harry for the drama.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    8. pro 2019.

    What’s the world’s record for tossing a flying squirrel into the air and keeping him aloft with a leaf blower?

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. sij

    In college, on a dare, I cooked and ate an Oscar Mayer Wiener What? Honey, no, you can’t have a snack this close to dinner. Go find Mom now, OK? Daddy’s trying to tweet. Love you. Mwah! Go find Mom. NO RUNNING! Ha ha, everyone. I’m back now. Sorry for the interruption. mobile.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. velj

    Titled the video of my daughter’s first steps “Noob Descending a Staircase”

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    My midichlorian count is, like, two.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Ways to kill Kool-Aid Man: - reinforced wall - rain - mild incline - pouring cold water in him right after taking him out of the dishwasher - kindness LOL - The Lost Sword of Elgebard (note to self: call Peter Jackson) - trusting a four year old to carry him across the room

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. lip 2018.

    I don't know. I guess it's just starting to sink in that I may never be invited to a cotillion. It's fine. I'll be fine.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. velj

    This bus shelter couldn’t even hold a car let alone a bus wtf

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    In that moment, Pelosi could have ripped a phone book in half.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 sati

    I’m at a goodbye outing for a downsized colleague, if anyone wants to nuke downtown Boston and put me out of my misery.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. stu 2013.

    The Rick Springfield Paradox: If you get Jessie's Girl, she is no longer Jessie's Girl, and you have obtained nothing.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    Everything you buy is just another thing that has to be cleaned.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    Me: I might actually enjoy today. Life: Oh, we won't be having any of that.

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  19. prije 1 sat

    got pretty nostalgic when I inadvertently gave myself a ball tap this morning

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    our dreams are kinda lame. you wouldn’t think it would be so hard

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    *a chupacabra attacks you* me: quit screwing around and get in the truck

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