My father was a white men's club chauvinist: his misogyny was cold and hard. His daily humor dripping with contempt.
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My mother was the brunt of jokes about her body, her "flat chest" my fathers favorite joke to tell was a rape joke at my mother's expense.
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And women's libbers and feminazis were a constant threat to him. The world he offered me to grow up into was a stifling jail.
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& this silly tennis match. Between this buffoon- who my white mens country's club father thought was hilarious- he was sure Riggs would win
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And my mother and I quietly watched. I cannot tell you how terrified I was that she would lose. I was 8 or so. Second grade.
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If she lost it seemed to mean to me that I would never get out. That every exit was blocked.
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His cheers at every point she lost terrified me. He was always screaming at TV sports and the sudden eruptions always made me jump.
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I sat on the floor - I didn't like to sit on the couch next to him because I had dreams that it would swallow me up and smother me.
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I prayed silently the way children do: "please let her win please let her win". I needed my father to lose. I needed her to unseat him.
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I thought I might not be able to withstand watching her lose. He wanted me to stay and watch as a lesson.
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He often said I was "too spirited" and needed to be broken like a horse. He'd need to find a man with "spurs" for me.
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So when Billie Jean King crushed Riggs- I saw for the first time that my father was crushable.
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And I saw his face crumple momentarily. And the mumbling and grumbling of defeat. And there was OXYGEN. Air to breathe.
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And I JUMPED and CHEERED and my mother told me to quiet down but I didn't.
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And I knew for the first time that there was absolutely a WAY OUT.
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I don't know if my daughter could imagine the way that tennis match was like fresh rain in a drought.
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I don't know if she can imagine how trapped and starved women were.
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She was like: "Why didn't she just tell her husband she was bi?" When I explained why there was a "closet" she said "you mean EVERYONE?"
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So: I'm glad that there are oppressions that my daughter cannot conceive of alongside those that she is aware of, and is vigilant about.
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How lovely that she cannot even conceive of the bind my mother and I were trapped in. My mother would leave my father two years later
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And like BJK she would leave his assets and his lifestyle behind. She worked pumped gas and raised us as latchkey kids & never looked back
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And she "took back" her own name. And I never after that considered giving mine up.
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And my daughter knows that whatever she decides to call herself in this life, that she owns her own identity. How grateful I am for that
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But don't convince yourself that these men are gone. These are exactly the men holding office today. Their contempt is just as cold & ugly
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But now, there are millions of role models, women, LGBTQ folk & people of color who have claimed their power: my kids have access to heroes
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Even if there is still so much to do- there is now a pantheon of heroes for the next generation to set their foundation upon.
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I don't know if that film was able to convey how many stakeholders there were in that event. It changed lives, not just tennis.
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So heroes matter. So many of you have served as heroes, and only feel defeated that white men like this are still in power.
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But you have emboldened those who are coming up behind you. You have strengthened the legacy of liberation.
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You don't just win by overthrowing oppression. You win by showing others that they are not alone when they stand up themselves.
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