Joke Early

@shortandkerley

capitalist, hedonist, feminist, humorist

Seattle, WA
Joined April 2009

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  1. Retweeted
    11 Oct 2016

    A Chicago Cubs vs Cleveland Indians World Series is now slightly more likely than a Trump presidency.

  2. 5 Oct 2016
  3. 20 Sep 2016
  4. 1 Sep 2016

    Does anyone else leave spoiled food in the fridge? Like you want to eat it, but then you're like nah, that's probably bad. Next time, maybe.

  5. 20 Aug 2016

    Oh, breakfast lasagna. How did you take 2 things I love and make them both worse?

  6. 31 Jul 2016

    Still born is a really optimistic term. It's like, yeah, your baby died in the womb & all, but hey, it was still born!

  7. 26 Jun 2016

    Some folks say NIGH-uh-lizm, others say NEE-uh-lizm, but I don't think it really matters

  8. 26 Jun 2016

    I like to crack open Walden for an insightful quote about once a week; I call it Thoreau-back Thursday

  9. 25 Jun 2016

    I work with an old Korean woman named Young; her name gets more ironic every day.

  10. 3 Jun 2016

    I'm terrible at 50/50s; I get them wrong like half the time. Can't make heads or tails of it!

  11. 1 Jun 2016

    Going to a concert is a lot like taking a quiz. I have a way better time when I know what's on it.

  12. 1 Jun 2016

    My mom only hs granddaughters; my wifes mom only hs grandsons. Our kid will b the 1st gender for 1 lucky gma. Or both if its hermaphrodite.

  13. 1 Jun 2016

    So thankful for Facebook memories. Going to save so much money on vacations just by re-sharing.

  14. 25 May 2016

    I have a long torso; my wife has long legs. Our kids will either play in the NBA or get tossed onto Velcro pads for money

  15. 23 May 2016

    I fucking love dogs. I also think word order is really important.

  16. 23 May 2016

    I just got a/c put in my house, so that's cool

  17. Retweeted
    20 May 2016

    Arrieta has a 0.99 ERA over his last 29 starts with more no-hitters (2) than losses (1) during that span. The were no-hit in the loss.

  18. Retweeted
    12 Apr 2016

    Last night we played and found some new places we have to try!

  19. 7 Apr 2016

    I just earned the 'National Beer Day (2016)' badge on !

  20. 19 Mar 2016

    I just earned the 'Trip to the Farm (Level 7)' badge on !

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