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This entire thing is just mind-blowingly bad.
It seems like `process.stdout.write('', () => process.stderr.write('', () => exit()))` might emulate "exit once stdout and stderr are flushed", but based on the description of the API, always immediately calling the callback when given an empty string would be valid behavior
Which is my long-winded way of saying I'm with you on this being mind-blowingly bad
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