Today someone asked me how you coach the "alpha geek/brilliant jerk" out of being that person. The answer ultimately boils down to two simple things: Have you really, truly, looked them in the eye and told them the problem? Do they want to change?
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Replying to @skamille
Looking people directly in the eye and telling them that they are the problem is literally the behaviour of an alpha jerk. Two people at each other's necks will create a toxic environment. There are better ways. Most require patiently getting them to deal with their animosity.
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Replying to @sebinsua
You're reading something I didn't say. Look again.
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Replying to @skamille
"Do they want to change" reads like you're trying to find any reason to kick them to the kerb. You have to put the same level of patient work into changing the communication style of a jerk, as you expect them to put into communicating with the people that annoy them.
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Why? We’re not their psychologist. We need to have a professional relationship and they need to not have a negative impact on team morale. If that’s not possible then I say adios! There’s always another job where they can try again.
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Replying to @yawaramin @skamille
They have bills to pay. They might even have families. If you think firing people because you've hired them but don't know how to manage them is a respectable management style I don't know what to say. It's your duty to make a genuine attempt here.
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The whole "do they want to change" angle comes from the same irresponsible place that "they don't care enough to be good engineers like me" comes from. It's exactly the same disregard for others.
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It’s really not. Someone who’s not a ‘good’ engineer but is humble and circumspect at least isn’t hurting my team’s morale like someone who is abrasive and disrespectful.
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Firing people because you think it's all their fault is neither humble nor circumspect.
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