Today someone asked me how you coach the "alpha geek/brilliant jerk" out of being that person. The answer ultimately boils down to two simple things: Have you really, truly, looked them in the eye and told them the problem? Do they want to change?
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Replying to @skamille
Looking people directly in the eye and telling them that they are the problem is literally the behaviour of an alpha jerk. Two people at each other's necks will create a toxic environment. There are better ways. Most require patiently getting them to deal with their animosity.
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Often what I say is like: "I understand why you said what you said, but I think you upset people. You would be much more effective if you had communicated it this way. Blowing off steam might feel good, but I know you ultimately care about quality work."
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This speaks to their source of self esteem. Often the root cause is them not having the patience and emotional groundedness to put work in to communicate well.
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