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  1. Oct 18

    The perfect headline doesn’t exis—

    1 reply 6 retweets 48 likes
  2. Nov 7

    WHO ELSE JUST UNCLENCHED THEIR JAW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 4 YEARS ?

    7 replies 38 retweets 271 likes
  3. Nov 4

    From the company whose name literally means a separation between two sides

    5 retweets 31 likes
  4. Nov 7

    Any artists I can commission to paint this as a hilarious mural in my living room?

    2 replies 5 retweets 54 likes
  5. Oct 22

    Are you the person in your relationship who eats too fast or are you the person who criticizes the person who eats too fast?

    21 replies 21 retweets 193 likes

  6. People View all

  7. Oct 15

    I don’t know who needs to hear this but you really don’t need to purchase that thing online today

    13 replies 24 retweets 112 likes
  8. Oct 13

    I chatted with for about his social media dance campaign. Also, I tried the Dip & Curl off camera and decided it didn’t belong in the final cut... or anywhere else, ever.

    1 retweet 12 likes
  9. Sep 29

    Remember that time Trump didn’t condemn white supremacy?

    2 replies 4 retweets 26 likes
  10. Nov 7

    *chefs kiss*

    Former President Jimmy Carter is so happy that he is no longer considered the worst President in the history of the United States!
    2 replies 25 retweets 227 likes
  11. Oct 7

    Can’t stop thinking about which hip and fashionable shoe Kamala will wear tonight to kick the everliving shit out of Pence

    1 reply 3 retweets 20 likes
  12. Nov 20

    Interviewer: We noticed a gap in your employment. Me: Yes, that’s why I’m here. I need a job. Interviewer: I’m sorry. Please come back when you already have a job.

    7 replies 80 retweets 630 likes
  13. Nov 16

    Which drug will make me feel the way I felt watching Billy Mays completely eradicate a stain with a single spritz of OxiClean?

    2 replies 7 retweets 37 likes
  14. Sep 29

    Debate drinking game: Just keep going until the pain stops

    3 replies 28 retweets 138 likes
  15. Nov 16

    Me: Yes, I’d like to schedule an appointment with the doctor Receptionist: Of course. Do you have insurance? Me: Yes, I do. Receptionist: And this doctor is in your network? Me: I’m not sure. Receptionist: Ok, this will either be free or 11 million dollars. See you tomorrow!

    26 retweets 156 likes
  16. Oct 2

    Eric Trump excitedly licking White House doorknobs in hopes that his father will be forced to spend time with him in isolation

    2 replies 6 retweets 57 likes
  17. Nov 13

    greedy Australians out there smuggling all the vowels into every word Me: Hello Australian: Helliiiiaaaoouurrr

    2 retweets 41 likes
  18. Nov 17

    Told ya

    Just drank a 16oz cold brew so fast I could see the future and guess what? 𝓘𝓽’𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭
    3 retweets 39 likes
  19. Nov 16

    Canceling student loan debt would be unfair to those of us who built the Inception dream machine to infiltrate the minds of our debt collectors and convince them to leave us alone

    1 reply 7 retweets 53 likes
  20. Oct 22

    Trump is describing all the horrible things happening in our country. Just wait until he finds out who’s been in charge this whole time.

    28 retweets 122 likes
  21. Nov 7

    Glad this is all over. I wasn’t really feeling up to mailing another 100,000 fake ballots to Pennsylvania

    5 replies 12 retweets 102 likes

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