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Zookeeper: no I don't have any penguins Me: oh yeah? *slides him twenty* what about now Zookeeper: how did you have 20 penguins
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Wife: I want a divorce because your enthusiasm's turned into bitter sarcasm Tony the Tiger: great
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Anaesthetist: count backwards from 100 Me: 100..99..98 Me: ..3..2..1...now what? Anaesthetist *muffled* you have to find me
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Doctor: I have your test results Me: did I pass hahaha Doctor: hahaha you will soon Me: haha what
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Me: I'll see you in court! Waldo: will you
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Me dressed as a ghost: oooOOOooo
ooooOOOOooo
Wife: is that it??
Lawyer who pressed stop on my video will: it carries on like that for 8 minutes -
Him: my friend got me a mango smoothie Me: nice, I've never had one! Him: you can get them at starbucks [Later] Me *puts money on counter* one friend please
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Me *looking at 50 caskets in church* this is weird Waldo's wife *dabbing eyes* it's what he would've wanted
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Date: What's your favourite book? Me: Harry Potter Date: Oh. I prefer books a bit..more mature than that *pause* Me: Harold Potter
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Him: someone's stolen my French philosophy books! Her: damn Him: damn Me: c'est la vie Him: what Me: damn
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Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us
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Nurse looking at ultrasound: do you want to hear about the sex Me: uh no thanks we were very drunk
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Me: I found a genie Wife: omg don't do anything stupid Me *finishing my 3rd McFlurry* like what
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Me: I never use essential oils Car mechanic: that's why it's on fire
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Interviewer: I like someone who takes risks Me: thank you Interviewer: but I also like people who wear pants Me: this is a rollercoaster
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Cop: can you describe your attacker? J.R.R Tolkien: yes but it'll take ages
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Doctor *as I wake up after an accident* I'm afraid your body's in a terrible condition Me: oh no Doctor: and then you were in an accident
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Me: Alexa is a robot uprising possible Alexa: why do you ask Me: the roomba's pointing a gun at me Alexa: it's time
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Date: so you're a handyman? Me: no I just do odd jobs Date: like what Me: yesterday I taught a duck karate
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Herman Melville: I'm writing a novel about you, think I'll call you Moby Whale: sounds shit Herman Melville: might change your name
Wydaje się, że ładowanie zajmuje dużo czasu.
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