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My wife just told me I smell like bagels and I think it's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.
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Check out my boy Bodhi at 0:39https://twitter.com/Nickelodeon/status/1349539226514145282 …
0:54Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
TONIGHT 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) we’ve got @iamryanbeck @caitlinpeluffo @Part_Time_Bro @catocalvin @BrendanSagalow @rbashir_oms@gericsja @Schwartzer ! Use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-caitlin-peluffo-joe-gerics-matt-schwartzer …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Matt Schwartzer Retweeted
Tonight at 7:00PM
@NewYorkComedy the drop-in featuring@LeahBonnema@whodougsmith@Schwartzer and more!
Get ticketshttps://bit.ly/2RDWkEX Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
TONIGHT 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) on @TheDropInComedy we got a fire lineup w/ @LeahBonnema @whodougsmith @ReginaDeCicco @SonyaVai @Schwartzer@gericsja and more! Use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-leah-bonnema-doug-smith-matt-schwartzer …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
TONIGHT 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) we’ve got @aminahimani @NoWayneInHell@cJamesGoff @AshAustinMorris @GeorgePGordon3@AbbyDubsTweets @gericsja @Schwartzer Use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-james-goff-joe-gerics-matt-schwartzer …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Tonight 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) we’ve got @RobbySlowik @PatBurtscher @curlycomedy @TurnerBSparks @garygarylevitt @gericsja @Schwartzer and more! Use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-pat-burtscher-abbi-crutchfield-joe-gerics-matt-schwartzer-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Tonight 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) see @AnthonyDeVito_ @CarmenComedian @ReenaCalm @mjazark @Luisa_Lange @rbashir_oms @gericsja @Schwartzer Use Code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-anthony-devito-carmen-lynch-joe-gerics-matt-schwartzer-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Matt Schwartzer RetweetedThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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TONIGHT 7pm at
@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) on@TheDropInComedy we’ve got@Nathanmacintosh@Alingon @cwayans @ReginaDeCicco @courtmaginnis @PaulSpratt @gericsja @Schwartzer Use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-nathan-macintosh-alingon-mitra-chaunte-wayans-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
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Having a kid is what I imagine selling a screenplay to Hollywood is like. You’re really proud of it at first, but then all kinds of people influence it and it changes into something you never expected and you’re like “Shit, I don’t want my name on this thing”
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7pm Tues 8/20
@TheDropInComedy at @NewYorkComedy - @theotherkendra @alldaykca @ChrissieMayr @pattymo @erikbransteen @Mr_Babbitt @Schwartzer@IamEmmaWillmann Code DROP for free tixhttps://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-kendra-cunningham-kc-arora-chrissie-mayr-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
I haven’t gotten responses to any of my texts today and I can’t decide if I’d rather it be my phone that’s broken or my friendships
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My mom says "Ooh, you look like a movie star" anytime ANYONE puts on a pair of sunglasses.
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A TURD ON THE LAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE TUSH I’m back, baby!
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If you try to follow me through the revolving door while texting and expect me to do all the pushing, I swear I’ll stop that thing and trap you inside. Don’t test me.
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Matt Schwartzer Retweeted
Great lineups tonight
@NewYorkComedy with@AnthonyDeVito_@DrJasonKanter@somaddysmith@Schwartzer@iamShaunmurphy Find your tickets at (link: http://bit.ly/2M3Vu3R )Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
7p TONITE on
@TheDropInComedy at @NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) we’ve got @LeahBonnema @mikelebovitz @GibranSaleem @MadisonMalloy @iamShaunmurphy @gericsja @Schwartzer Code DROP for free tixhttps://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-leah-bonnema-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Matt Schwartzer Retweeted
Tonight at 7
#TheDropIn presented by@gericsja &@Schwartzer Ft@patburtscher @thejademovie@SonyaVai@UsamaBinLaughin@whataboutjoe @MxCaitlinReesehttps://buff.ly/2Zv9sytThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
TONIGHT 7pm on
@TheDropInComedy at@NewYorkComedy (midtown loc) we’ve got@PatBurtscher@UsamaBinLaughin@JadeCattaPreta@whataboutjoe@LukeMones@SonyaVai @MxCaitlinReese@gericsja@Schwartzer use code DROP for free tix!https://newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/the-drop-in-ft-pat-burtscher-usama-siddiquee-joe-gerics-new-york-comedy-club …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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