Everyone has a moment in their 20s when they genuinely believe they’ll one day live in a geodesic dome
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oscar schwartz
@scarschwartz
Writer. Reporter
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I chose my PhD topic after having a vision while extremely stoned though I neglected to disclose this in my (successful) funding application
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Everyone worries about the struggling artists, but what of the Subway sandwich artists? For The Paris End, investigates the Nicholas Building rent hikes. Who will stay and who will go? A commercial Real Estate thriller.
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There are a few men in Fort Greene park playing tennis like their lives depend on it at three minutes past eight on a Wednesday morning
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In Melbourne people wear hats that say “critic” whereas here in New York people where hats that say “soup”
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How much champagne and cognac are you people drinking while lugging around your Louis Vuitton bags
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I’ve arrived back in New York for objectively the worst day of weather this city has ever had
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The best thing about star wars is when a space ship you previously thought was pretty big flies up to a space ship that is incredibly huger
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Americans are insanely pharmacologically literate, they may not know where Portugal is on a world map but they sure know their way around a prescription
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Nice to be back in Brooklyn peering through people’s windows and pining after their impossibly elaborate work from home set ups
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Now that the CIA is properly funding AI research the machines might finally be able to write some good novels and make some decent art
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In Australia I need a prescription for melatonin, in America I can choose from raspberry, grape, and black cherry flavour
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This week in THE STARS:
★★★★★ Vera Drew’s The People’s Joker
★★★★ Celebrity family dinner
★★★ Lauren Oyler vs David Foster Wallace
★★ University basic income
★ Bianca Censori fit check
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The reason Australian movies and TV aren’t really that good is not because our writers and directors aren’t talented it’s because Australians don’t really talk to one another so the dialogue always feels weird and unrealistic
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I’m sorry but if you’re going to call yourself a critic you should at least dress well
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How about a reality TV show searching for the inner north’s most convincing queer baiter. it’s called Queer, Bi, or a Straight Guy?
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The blue check thing is an enactment of Elon’s lived experience that if you want friends you’re going to have to pay for them
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I saw the mirror conspiracy theory tik tok and scoffed and then immediately got a blanket to cover the mirror in my eight month old daughters room, to protect her
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The human mind is capable of dealing with Middle Ages level civilisation. We need a world where things can be legitimately explained by like witches and talking goats. anything beyond that is plain confusing
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I suspect that Migos may have derived their unique flow from Hairy Maclary from Donaldson's Dairy
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Instead of a blue check mark you should get a nobiliary particle in your name if you pay for it—Oscar de Schwartz
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I predict a sculpture come back, everyone is going to be making sculptures again soon
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Not long ago, in a suburb not very far away….. SPA WARS. Up today, Cameron Hurst dives deep into modern bathhouse culture.
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An intentional life? No thanks I’d rather be guided by the cruel hand of fate
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Novels that are supposedly funny are usually sad and novels that are supposedly sad are usually sad also
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This is profanity. The so-called sky couch should only arrive as a chance gift from the otherwise mercurial and cruel air travel deity
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More long-haul airlines are offering passengers the option to book what is called a sky couch to get a whole row of economy seats for themselves. nyti.ms/43u4tjD
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When you think about it the male western literary canon is all about the anguish of the incel
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Bon Voyage. It's THE STARS, travel edition.
★★★★★ Mount Buangor Boy Scouts
★★★★ Neck Pillow Innovations
★★★ Rudi Williams Photograph
★★ Bus 333 from Bondi Beach
★ Travel Debt
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I walk into a shop on Hollywood Blvd holding a big black duffle bag and a guy who works there says to me “what’s in the bag? Weapons?” And I say “what? No. Just nappies.” And he says “what? Nappies?” And I say “oh I mean diapers”
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