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  1. shout out to everyone who has both ~Bernie or busters~ AND ~republicans toying with voting blue for the first time EVER~ in their lives. *cut to training montage wherein i become a master persuader in time for the general*

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    Thank for you for letting me know! Comedy is subjective, which I fully understand. I also think you missed the point I was trying to make but that’s okay it wasn’t for you! But others might like it! My special is on in the 3rd episode in Comedians of the World! 😍🥰😍

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  3. been thinking for too long of a subtweet about an awful person but I think this is as specific as I can get

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  4. everyday feels more and more like i'm living in a video

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  5. "how does the GOP sleep at night!!!???" I used to think that, until I realized that, for them, this shit is relaxing. fascism is their self-care

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  6. nine times out of ten, when you meet someone in person they are so much better and more interesting than who they are online. but then there's always that one who is 100% who they are online and it's like "oh shit, the twitter has spread to their brains that poor thing"

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  7. get your ass in gear and come see me do comedy. shows comin up in california and NYC

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  8. drink more water today and if you haven't yet, register to vote:

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  9. thanks to everyone who has informed me I stole this observation from a WNYC show. I haven't heard the episode in question, but I've had a jade egg stashed in my vagina for several weeks now and I think it's giving me special twitter powers???

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  10. very interesting how some men think I'm insulting joe rogan in this

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    3. velj

    Yes! Or at least that's what argued on our show this week

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  12. joe rogan is gwyneth paltrow for men?

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    It’s my favorite day. Pick a team. Any player. Support them blindly. Go to a party. Be vocal and watch a man you barely know who takes sports way too serious have an aneurism. Truly a beautiful day for toxic femininity.

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  14. Extremely upset at the Halftime show. How am I supposed to explain J-lo's full 26-inches of front-to-back crotch to my husband? I've only ever let him see 3 inches.

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    My dad died of Alzheimer’s on Super Bowl Sunday 2017. I’ve hated the event ever since! In an effort to do something positive w this difficult day, I’m going to donate $100 for every touchdown scored to the in my dad’s name. Go Niners!

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  16. Toying with whether it will be hard crime like arson or soft crime like logging onto twitter and spilling all the dirt on my enemies???

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  17. with each passing day, listening to the impeachment trial, I can feel societal norms slowly draining from my body. Soon I will be ready to do crime. then I’ll say it never happened, and even if it did, it was Actually Good

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  18. I have listened to portions of the GOP defense in the impeachment trial and most of it sounds like me as a kid when I tried to do a book report on a book I didn't read. "Mockingbirds....(10 second pause)....how *does* one kill one?"

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  19. I have a book coming out later this year and I PROMISE you it will have the same exact impact on the GOP that John Bolton's book will!!!

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  20. I am an expert who contributed my thoughts to this!

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