I feel like my whole life is this dance of being quiet because people won’t get me, slowly getting comfortable, eventually revealing my true self, then backing off again when once again the real me was Too Much.
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W odpowiedzi do @sarahlongthorne
I completely relate to that - would you say your 'Too Much' relates to emotions or manners? I overshare when I'm overwhelmed, and always end up regretting it afterwards. Vicious cycle of self-fulfilling anxieties! Take a look at RSD, I think it explains a lot of the behaviours.
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W odpowiedzi do @TGerbicz
Both maybe? I get super, SUPER excitable and end up overshooting tone-wise, which often results in oversharing (so embarrassing after), making overly familiar jokes or going on unsolicited rants. I consistently misjudge my audience and fail to read the room.
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W odpowiedzi do @sarahlongthorne @TGerbicz
Then I try to compensate by either totally shutting down or undershooting, which seems to make people feel awkward.
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W odpowiedzi do @sarahlongthorne
I think a lot of that guarding/self-policing comes from the 'corrective' comments etc. as ND's grow up. I saw somewhere that ADHD kids receive 20,000x negative comments during childhood over positive - that must have a huge effect on the 'police' part of your brain (it does mine)
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W odpowiedzi do @TGerbicz
‘Chatterbox’... ‘disruptive’... ‘in her own world’... (which of course later turned into people thinking I was stupid and wouldn’t do well/amount to anything)
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W odpowiedzi do @sarahlongthorne
It's amazing how many negative words are used to describe children who differ in a school setting... such a formative stage filled with so much unnecessary self-doubt! I think it's worth knowing just to stop a lot of those doubts. Post-diag I can forgive myself a lot more.
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Absolutely. It’s also critical that we have empathy for ourselves, especially our younger selves. Little me didn’t get much socialisation early on and just got way too overexcited by the prospect/in the company of prospective friends. Still the case 
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W odpowiedzi do @sarahlongthorne
100%! It's a bit left-field but there's a concept in Pathologic 2 of 'the lines' - basically visualising consequence. Finding that IRL data point of 'oh you were ADHD the whole time!' really made seeing those lines a little clearer and a lot less self-hating. Helped to let go!
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MCV 30 Under 30 2021