Narrative Designer at @SumoDigitalLtd Notts 
MCV 30 Under 30 2021 She/her. This is a personal account and views expressed are mine alone.
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*whispers to self* Hear me out, hear me out... what if... no, seriously, listen to this... what if you DIDN'T deserve what happened. Yeah? Like, if things LITERALLY did just pan out as the evidence suggests. You've not forgotten, you're not mad, you're just... innocent, actually?
So maybe stop gaslighting yourself, yeah? And stop using reassurance and validation from others as a crutch to avoid having to actually confront the fact that you're clean on this count. Actually do the work to accept it: you did not deserve to be treated that way.
They had their own shit they weren't ready to confront, and they put preserving that shit above preserving your friendship, using you as a scapegoat for their own fear of inadequacy. That's on them. It's not on you. And you need not search for ways to blame yourself.
So bottom line: stop trying to control every bad thing that happens to you by finding ways to claim it was your fault. Sometimes it is, but sometimes - wait for it - sometimes... it's not. Like this time. So let go. Stop trying to control pain. Let life be.
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