SJ Longthorne

Something I learned today: if someone is making you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if they're technically saying 'the right' things, being nice, etc. Listen to that feeling. It's okay to shut things down on that basis alone. Niceness doesn't buy your time and emotional labour.

And if someone ignores the boundaries you've set, or retaliates? Red flag. Don't let yourself be guilted into putting up with something you're not comfortable with.

I say this as another person who has been made to feel uncomfortable by Roberto's attentions in the past, though in fairness he began to improve towards the end. What I can't ignore, though, is how many others were in the same position. I'm talking about this sort of behaviour:

- Incessant messaging and replying across multiple platforms - Assuming emotional intimacy to an uncomfortable degree - Using mental health and personal circumstances to guilt people into lowering boundaries - (In some cases) Accusing those who expressed discomfort of racism

Many including myself weren't firm enough about this because, on paper, he was very nice. I didn't want to hurt his feelings or act detrimentally to his mental health. Blocking felt unearned, but now I know it's not about that. It's about protecting your space.

I changed my mind about that this morning when I saw just how many people had the same experience. Others have confronted him *many* times and his behaviour has remained the same, just directed at different people.