Narrative Designer at @SumoDigitalLtd Notts 
MCV 30 Under 30 2021 She/her. This is a personal account and views expressed are mine alone.
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Something I learned today: if someone is making you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if they're technically saying 'the right' things, being nice, etc. Listen to that feeling. It's okay to shut things down on that basis alone. Niceness doesn't buy your time and emotional labour.
And if someone ignores the boundaries you've set, or retaliates? Red flag. Don't let yourself be guilted into putting up with something you're not comfortable with.
I say this as another person who has been made to feel uncomfortable by Roberto's attentions in the past, though in fairness he began to improve towards the end. What I can't ignore, though, is how many others were in the same position. I'm talking about this sort of behaviour:
- Incessant messaging and replying across multiple platforms - Assuming emotional intimacy to an uncomfortable degree - Using mental health and personal circumstances to guilt people into lowering boundaries - (In some cases) Accusing those who expressed discomfort of racism
Many including myself weren't firm enough about this because, on paper, he was very nice. I didn't want to hurt his feelings or act detrimentally to his mental health. Blocking felt unearned, but now I know it's not about that. It's about protecting your space.
I changed my mind about that this morning when I saw just how many people had the same experience. Others have confronted him *many* times and his behaviour has remained the same, just directed at different people.
So that's it. If someones makes you feel uncomfortable, just block them. Don't stick around for the sake of their feelings. It's okay to feel uncomfortable even if you can't quite pin the reason, and it's okay to assert your boundaries. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Amen. Intuition is good thing, and one to listen to just as you've said.
This. I see this so much in so many (usually little) ways. Remember that manipulative people are *good* at saying the "right" things, being nice, etc. They've had practice at this. If you're uncomfortable, there's likely a reason for it.
And if someone doesn't back off, even if they're not *actively* malicious, at *best* they're being self-centered and prioritizing them over you. And you certainly don't owe them your emotional labor if they can't give you basic respect for your needs.
That for me is the crucial thing. I think it's entirely possible to make someone uncomfortable without meaning to - we've all done it, we'll all do it again. What makes all the difference is 1) for how long and 2) how they react to being told. If they double down, it's very bad.
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