SJ Longthorne

Stubborn about not helping yourself?

yeh, bad habit

I don’t think that’s just you. I’d be surprised by anyone who said they found it easy to help themselves, particularly at their lowest. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be such a problem, but there’s literally something inside us that recoils from recovery.

Perhaps, while horrible, there’s actually something familiar and almost comforting about pain which makes it preferable to the unknown that is recovery. Or perhaps it’s a feeling of just punishment or obligation to pain. Perhaps all of those.

When we feel ourselves digging our heels, we should endeavour to see it for what it is and do the exact thing we don’t want to do. Put on a funny vine compilation. Load up a puzzle game. Just a few clicks.

There’s no shame in struggling to do that because it’s so, so hard. Managing it despite those feelings takes incredible strength. The battle against our own fear is slippery and deceitful and one of the hardest we face, if not the hardest. Which makes it all the most admirable.

know that saying "a man who shows his pain is weak" or however it goes, i feel like thats a norm ive learnt and live by , and as much as i know its absolute BS, its weird to put myself and my own issues first, because its so unhuman to me, like i often feel guilty for being happy

I’ve never heard that before. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Showing vulnerability, especially for a lot of men, I think, in the current ‘man up’ culture, is incredibly difficult, but also admirable and a necessary step towards healing.