SJ Longthorne

12. I didn't think I was smart enough to go to uni, so my plan for several months was to try and be one of those people who sells fruit on the beach in Mexico.

13. I used to bring in presents for other kids on my birthday, but we didn't have much money. One year, I bought everyone a bouncy ball. Some super-rich asshole girl sneered that it was a shit present and I should have got her something better, so now I don't do that anymore.

14. I had my first 'boyfriend' when I was nine. I brought a photo of him to school and got marshmallow on his nose, and for Christmas I bought him a portable fan. For Valentines, he drew an eye, a heart and a German U-Boat in my card.

15. After my first interview with Sumo, I emailed recruitment and tried to withdraw from the process because I thought I wasn't good enough. She was like 'Um, they wanted another interview???' and I very quickly replied 'FORGET I SAID ANYTHING'. (paraphrased)

16. My mum's identical twin sister and I haven't spoken in years. She decided she didn't like me when I got sick in my teens and tried to make my mum chose her over me, after which they didn't talk for two years. It's really weird watching someone who looks like your mum say that

17. I used to go to a church where the dudes at the front would tell us how stupid evolution was, until I realised *they* were stupid

18. The first piece of creative writing I wrote for a game was a short story in RuneScape about sentient spiders and the goddess Elidinis, which was entirely inspired by @aptshadow's Children Of Time

19. My family are called The Windy Wickeses because we all fart so much (Longthorne is my pen name). I, however, have perfected the art of the ninja fart.