MCV 30 Under 30 2021 
On meds (I’m on lamotrigine), it’s like I’m watching that dog from a distance. It’s staring at me, and I’m staring at it, but there’s no lead.
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For me, #BPD is like having a large, feral dog on a lead. It’s stronger than I am and, without meds, it’s incredibly difficult not to get pulled off my feet when it lunges and gnashes it’s teeth at people, at anything that scares it — especially when it happens suddenly.
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But that’s the thing about dogs: treat them badly and they’ll become defensive and aggressive out of fear; treat them well and they become puppies, doting and loyal. I see those same polarisations in myself sometimes.
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PS. A long-term implant for mental health medication please and thank you
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PPS. This whole thread is exactly why I love Frozen with every ounce of my being. Elsa’s fear leaves her unable to control her power; being shown love and understanding puts her in a safe space where she has room to understand herself and be her best Elsa.
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(Taking medication consistently (which I am bad at), getting help and putting that help to use is also important, of course, but others can make it much easier)
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