SJ Longthorne

even just, ending your sentence with a rising tone to imply a question is like literally, passing the conch to the other person so they can give feedback on what you just said not saying we don't get into intractable disagreements with eachother, but idk honestly prefer it a lot

oh oh (lol i keep using good examples and reminding myself) filler like "idk like..." is good for making, rather than a concise and unassailable argument, stringing together a sequence of attempts to get across the idea and turning your own LACK of certainty into a POSITIVE

it can be such a beautiful thing when you're disagreeing with someone and you're both like reassuring eachother that neither of your are going to dig in your heels without good reason

anyway. it's totally valid that people sometimes do this out of a lack of confidence in their argument, like the OP said. but honestly, it's just also got soooo much value on its own, for de-escalation and building consensus and appropriately centring hurt feelings

and i feel like the more we embrace that side of it, the more deliberate and effective it'll become at that. i've certainly found that to be true in my own experience

full disclosure, the longer i went on writing this thread, the more i regretted starting it with "hotter take" XD

a small addendum: i really should have just splurged some extra characters and said "feminine", and the fact that i used "femme" throughout is def coming across in a way i didn't intend i'm not saying a specific class or identity of person uses this discursive approach !https://twitter.com/panribbon/status/1030465188879839237 …

i'm so sorry if this is ringing any alarm bells for you! i just had a crossed wire and didn't think clearly enough about the language to anticipate this snag. it's all about how a patriarchal mindset (held by a person of any gender or presentation) will devalue this approach