Colin Jost looks like a Tinder date who will begin dinner by explaining why he is a feminist, but
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Colin Jost will reply to your Facebook post about swastika graffiti with how the real enemy is divisiveness... of all kinds!!!!
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Colin Jost looks like he refuses to use they pronouns because it's ungrammatical, but spells the possessive of Socrates as Socrates'
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Colin Jost looks like he avoids eye contact with unattractive baristas
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Colin Jost looks like he includes his middle name in his email signature block, which is in Garamond
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Colin Jost looks like a witch gave human form to a pair of Burberry earmuffs someone accidentally left at the counter of a DC Starbucks
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Colin Jost looks like he accuses women of living in bubbles because they block people for calling them cunts
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Colin Jost looks like he hasn't set foot on a bus in 12 years
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Colin Jost looks like he's been pretending to know what Bitcoin is for years bc it's too late to fess up to his libertarian college roommate
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Colin Jost looks like he's still, in 2016, insisting that he never inhaled weed
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Colin Jost looks like he goes to Stumptown Coffee to buy their decaf beans
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Colin Jost looks like he's very proud of the time he dated an Asian girl for three months, proving he is multicultural af
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Colin Jost looks like he loves the word "multicultural" and hates the word "diversity"
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Colin Jost looks like he writes letters to the editor
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Colin Jost looks like he has voluntarily purchased salty licorice despite knowing exactly what it was
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Colin Jost looks like he emails people with no subject line, and the body of the message is nothing but a Medium link and "good read"
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Colin Jost looks like he only shares articles two days after everyone else has already seen them
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Colin Jost looks like he wrote a college newspaper op-ed about forgiveness within 12 hours of a student's rapist being found guilty in court
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Colin Jost looks like he still brings up Rachel Dolezal in conversation and that's why you stopped inviting him to watch Game of Thrones
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Colin Jost looks like he has a lot to say about HBO's free speech right to broadcast a heck ton of rape scenes always
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Colin Jost looks like he gifts everyone whiskey stones
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Colin Jost looks like his favorite justice is John Roberts but when pressed he can't name all eight
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Colin Jost looks like he opines at length about how women aren't in STEM but has confused "logarithm" for "algorithm" more than once
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In short, my attention has been called to a fellow named Colin Jost and upon reflection, I believe I don't care for his face
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