i took @mallelis's dog for the weekend after being ASSURED he is an old and sleepy dog AND HE HAS GIVEN ME NO PEACE SINCE
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when i woke up in the middle of the night in fits and starts he'd climb onto my chest
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which is really cute but maybe I didn't need 16 lb of cat on my chest while I had flu
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anyways I rewarded the cat by bringing a dog into my bed
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AND THE DOG SNORES
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like of course
@mallelis identifies with a wall-eyed incontinent mongrel who gets covered in ants on walks -
the upside is that I've been leaving my house since having flu
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the downside is that I'm weak and running around with a most assuredly unsleepy dog
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at least now I know I'm only fit to rear fat lazy cats that try to suffocate you in your sleeppic.twitter.com/6fBXuyy5T1
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I tried to hide from the dog in the morning so that I could finish washing up and the dog sat outside the door and barked and cried
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now he's pursued me to the other room even though all I want is to write in peace
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"you're an abominable trash dog" i whispered to him furiously
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he peed again so now i'm going to take him outside so he can get covered in ants. a monster
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i never appreciated how nice my cat smells until i agreed to take on Murphy the Trash Dog
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he's so wall-eyed i can't even tell when he's looking at me
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you can't even look me in the eye, muttface
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he has a hard time jumping onto the couch so I put the step stool next to the couch and the idiot failbeast just tries to jump AROUND it
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old sleepy dog that only need two walks a day LOL SURE MALLORY
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his ear flopped inside out again. this dog can do nothing for himself
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this needy fucking cretin is cuddling on the bed with me again. idiot.
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he can't get on the bed on his own so he just scrabbles at the side and whines.
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but also he can't get down from the bed on his own so if i get up and leave, he stands up and shuffles his feet aimlessly, stranded
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THIS DUMB FUCKING DOG HAS SNOT IN HIS EYE
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the dog wanted more water so he can piss everywhere
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