I have NEVER broken up with a man by giving him a cake with "Your penis is small" written in icing, please stop spreading this rumor
I have NEVER followed a man down a dark street, crept up right behind him, and whispered "you're garbage" into his ear. This is a vile smear
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I would NOT impersonate a psychic just to tell a man "Your dead father will always be ashamed of you," this is NOT happened even ONCE
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I have NEVER hired a plane to skywrite "EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE A BORE AND YOU'RE ONLY KEYNOTING BECAUSE YOU'RE A MAN" during a conference
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when I find out who is spreading these stories behind my back, I am going to chop off his balls
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