sarah jeong

it takes like four cats before people start looking at you sideways. you have a man and a half and people get all upset. winner: cats

cats will never get you pregnant. winner: cats

about 1/3 of female homicides are committed by an intimate partner. but a cat waits until you’re dead before eating your body. winner: cats

when was the last time a cat told you a boring story that didn’t even go anywhere that’s fucking right winner: cats

i can pack like five cats in a queen size bed, and all of them are more emotionally stable than a man winner: cats

cats are cute as shit. people pay money to sit in a cafe full of cats. what’s a cafe full of men? a boring workspace. winner: cats

cats don’t even bathe and they usually smell better than men, that’s how terrible men are. winner: cats

Diamond = conflict-fueling commodity artificially inflated by a cartel Dead mouse = “I don’t want you to get bubonic plague” winner: cats

anyways, get married to a man if you really have to, I won’t judge your irrational life choices.

@sarahjeong Sarah I insist you put this all in one place and sell it to the Guardian again

@j_zimms God, it’s July. I need to have a friend change my Twitter password or something AHHHHHHHH

@sarahjeong ssshhhhh no explanation needed.

@ElizSimins @sarahjeong foia request: how many cats were you holding when you tweeted this