Anyone know of good writing with growth-oriented arguments for marriage or long-term romantic commitments? Mostly I find stability arguments, or reactions against monogamy (uninteresting), or people taking the goodness of committed LTRs/marriage for granted.
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Replying to @vgr
I’m not sure I have arguments, more like observations + enthusiasm
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
specialness of human pair bond cf. other great apes, observation of conflict and stress in polygamous families/societies
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
and behind it all the possibility of human pair bond as an optimal zone of total alignment of interests
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
Can you say more about what the total alignment feels like it does in your life? The thing I'm specifically interested in is the difference between moving on when you both grow out of what brought you together, versus committing to staying together no matter what.
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Replying to @utotranslucence @vgr
there’s a future orientation to it - to put it coldly it’s like a way of building equity vs. paying rent?
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
after initial honeymoon period (period of the mortgage?) every investment of kindness and pleasure builds on past ones
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
commitment is evidenced by sacrifice but after a while it doesn’t feel like sacrifice to “forsake all others”
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being fully committed, fully invested, proving to each other in subtle ways over time that it’s safe
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