Sam Montgomery

@sammontgomery

I was Emma Stone before Emma Stone was a thing. Co-author of Stats Canada: Satire On A National Scale

Toronto
samcmontgomery.tumblr.com
Joined February 2009
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  1. 20 hours ago

    You: Did you hear Trump once kicked One Direction out of his hotel for refusing to meet Tiffany? Me:

    3 retweets 22 likes
  2. Retweeted
    22 hours ago

    "We were the wretched refuse on the teeming shore," Irish prime minister says with Donald Trump in the room.

    1,337 replies 25,477 retweets 40,160 likes
  3. Mar 16

    Me at 4pm: I'm so tired. I'm going to bed early tonight Me at 10:48pm: If I don't google celebrity conspiracy theories right now I will die

    26 retweets 131 likes
  4. Mar 16

    I don't deserve to have the flu. I'm a good person. I hold doors open for people and I would never cut funding to PBS or Meals on Wheels.

    1 reply 1 retweet 32 likes
  5. Retweeted
    Mar 13

    parties in 2004: I hope I don't get drunk and tell mindy I like her parties in 2017: I hope this beer company doesn't support genocide

    33 replies 15,519 retweets 51,160 likes
  6. Mar 16

    SUPPORTING MCDONALD'S IS NOW POLITICAL ACTIVISM

    1 reply 10 retweets 34 likes
  7. Mar 15

    And yet, he never found time to tweet about the six Muslims murdered in Quebec City by a fanboy of his

    Can you imagine what the outcry would be if , failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!
    1 reply 3 retweets 17 likes
  8. Mar 14

    Frodo got to Mordor quicker than Rachel Maddow's getting to the point

    1 reply 16 retweets 33 likes
  9. Retweeted
    Mar 14

    The left is just getting decimated over here

    174 replies 6,678 retweets 19,858 likes
  10. Retweeted
    10 Oct 2016

    Pence: who wants an autograph? Owner: here, sign these buns you white bread ass bitch

    33 replies 1,607 retweets 5,357 likes
  11. Retweeted
    Mar 13

    Trips cancelled due to uncertainty over whether all of its members would equally be allowed to enter the U.S.

    9 replies 62 retweets 63 likes
  12. Mar 13

    Can't believe I'm alone for another National Napping Day.

    1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
  13. Mar 13

    It's not fair that I'm getting a cold when I've probably eaten a salad sometime in the last 27 years. Lettuce, what are you even good for?

    1 reply 4 retweets 19 likes
  14. Mar 12

    12 likes
  15. Mar 12

    BIG 👏 LITTLE 👏 LIES 👏 IS 👏 BETTER 👏 THAN 👏 GAME 👏 OF 👏 THRONES 👏

    1 reply 1 retweet 11 likes
  16. Mar 12

    (•_•) <) )╯ PAUL / \ \(•_•) ( (> RYAN / \ (•_•) <) )> SUCKS / \

    7 retweets 20 likes
  17. Retweeted
    Mar 12

    too little too late , it's time you reviewed your recruitment and selection procedures.

    4 retweets 4 likes
  18. Mar 10

    I just watched Other People and now I have a headache from crying for an hour and a half straight.

    1 retweet 14 likes
  19. Mar 10

    . is it cheating on you if I have a little crush on Jake Tapper? I promise you're still my number one boo

    8 likes
  20. Retweeted
    Mar 9

    Guess the secret's out: I'm dating California

    California is having its wettest year since record-keeping began in 1895
    7 replies 21 retweets 210 likes

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