judge judy & executioner

@samanthahenman

freelance misandrist//lumbering pleasure dinosaur

Vrijeme pridruživanja: ožujak 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    I’d like to address another rumour about me. I’ve heard that people think I chase tornados because I’m passionate about science and need to resolve trauma surrounding my fathers death. In actuality, I just want to fuck the tornado.

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  2. They say the rental market in Toronto is the worst in the country but that doesn’t account for the number of people who live absolutely rent-free in my head

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 24 sata

    *bruce springsteen voice* i will write two kinds of songs: one about the plight of the working poor, the other about being impossibly horny

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  4. Doyl and I just invented Gloria Ron Swanson, equating talkies to power tools, and I look forward to immediately having my mouth sewn shut

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    🎵 I'm a bitch I'm a lover* I'm a child** I'm a mother*** I'm a sinner**** I'm a saint***** 🎵 *bitch **bitch ***bitch ****bitch *****teeny tiny lil bitch

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    if you are Palestinian you are for obvious reasons allowed to boo any current or former American secretary of state or defense, the rules are clear

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  8. Further crimes: this heading about Gloria Swanson and John Lennon’s penchants for macrobiotic diets

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    oh no.... we better not upset hillary clinton... she might lose an election at us

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  10. Capping off an absolutely deranged 24 hours by working til 1am and discovering there’s a whole new gen of sanpaku truthers—calling out to to say I’m worried about Billie Eilish and apparently AOC is yang, yikes

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  11. Love to know that milestones and anniversaries are ultimately meaningless but still let them weigh heavily on me regardless

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    YOUR body is a wonderland. MY body is a haunted house

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    Therapy... yea, you know what real therapy is? It's called "posting your way to the other side". Is it easy? No. Do i sleep at night? No. Would i be better off using my idle moments to counterfeit money? Yes. Would that be a crime? Debatable,since all money is in a sense "fake",

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    bernie sanders never surrender zero day week and a seven day bender

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  15. called my dog a fucking poser for pissing on a fire hydrant, a woman overheard and she was not impressed

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij
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  17. inspired by the seasonal metamorphosis and ongoing improvement to the reese's product, the humble cadbury creme egg needs to consider concentrating its best attribute--the creme. may i suggest: a 500mL bottle. thank you

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    BernieBro: Dady Soyle Sady Doyle: a Christian woman who read a book threatened to murder my child

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  19. every day is a new kind of nightmare! and they just don’t stop! hahaha!

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    making a pact w my guy friend that if we’re both single by the time we’re 40 he won’t fuck a teenager

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  21. Use promo code SPORTSDIES for 8% off orders $24 or more

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