Not an annoyance or unfortunate side-effect, but rather: Vulnerability is doing intimacy wrong. (Perhaps because people are used to being hurt by others all the time, so we form coalitions based on less-pain or promises to not commit pain to your one special darling too much.)
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Replying to @reasonisfun
If we don't have different definitions of intimacy and vulnerability here, than I simply can't disagree more strongly (albeit respectfully). Whatever"intimacy one might be able to gain without vulnerability is trivial and of minimal value to me.
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Replying to @DM_Berger
Maybe you're assuming that stuff is inherently unsafe whereas I'm coming from ~opposite assumption?
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Replying to @reasonisfun @DM_Berger
[people who may be interested in this thread or have cool thoughts:
@jessi_cata@s_r_constantin ]2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes -
Honestly the vulnerability makes sense to me. There are a lot of things that are dangerous to do with an adversary but helpful to do with an ally — like reveal things about yourself.
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Replying to @s_r_constantin @reasonisfun and
If you never do anything with your friends that you couldn’t do with an enemy, your friendships aren’t very deep.
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I don't think that is vulnerability though. That's knowing some well enough that you're not vulnerable even when you reveal things that would bite you if you revealed to an enemy. It's similarly not vulnerable to hang out with a gym rat friend. They're not gonna hurt you.
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Ah, I think there’s no real disagreement then, only semantics. Most people who praise vulnerability are in favor of doing things that *look superficially* like they could be dangerous, and might scare you, rather than things that are actually dangerous.
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idk man there's a like 'cult of vulnerability' that's popular at the moment. Pro-feelings people say vulnerability is good and encourage taking risks and doing things like crying in front of strangers. Normal folk too, but lesser degree. Pro risking being hurt some to get love.
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Yeah, that stuff is really confused. Engineered vulnerability is not genuine vulnerability, and even verges on manipulative. Won’t leave anyone happy
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I mean manipulation works great. You can totally set things up strategically to generate a sense of closeness, and it works.
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Depends on the context, personalities involved, goals, etc. I was thinking moreso about forming a healthy, long-term intimate relationship, where this kind of manipulation is (generally) less wise. Short term, in less serious situations, yes, this can of course be effective.
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Replying to @DM_Berger @s_r_constantin and
The effectiveness of such manipulation also tends often to hinge on that engineered vulnerability being perceived as genuine and spontaneous. If manipulation is suspected, it can backfire (usually as resentment). This kind of manipulation feels borderline and unhealthy to me.
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