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s_r_constantin's profile
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
@s_r_constantin

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Sarah Constantin

@s_r_constantin

Math/ML/data-science person now working on solving aging...and helping with COVID19?! Founder, LRI and Daphnia Labs. Married to @oscredwin

Be
srconstantin.posthaven.com
Joined February 2019

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    1. DM Berger‏ @DM_Berger Apr 19
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      Replying to @reasonisfun

      These points are not in conflict, they might just be thinking different time scales. The only way to build up those models and become safe is by being increasingly vulnerable, but then being supported when doing so. Initially, intimacy is all about vulnerability. Later, no.

      2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
    2. DM Berger‏ @DM_Berger Apr 19
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      Replying to @DM_Berger @reasonisfun

      The *purpose* of intimacy is of course not vulnerability. But intimacy cannot be built without vulnerability. In this sense, thinking of the vulnerability as some mere annoyance or unfortunate occasional side-effect to be dealt with or avoided is a unhealthy model of intimacy IMO

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    3. Lulie‏ @reasonisfun Apr 19
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      Replying to @DM_Berger

      Not an annoyance or unfortunate side-effect, but rather: Vulnerability is doing intimacy wrong. (Perhaps because people are used to being hurt by others all the time, so we form coalitions based on less-pain or promises to not commit pain to your one special darling too much.)

      2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
    4. DM Berger‏ @DM_Berger Apr 19
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      Replying to @reasonisfun

      If we don't have different definitions of intimacy and vulnerability here, than I simply can't disagree more strongly (albeit respectfully). Whatever"intimacy one might be able to gain without vulnerability is trivial and of minimal value to me.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    5. Lulie‏ @reasonisfun Apr 19
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      Replying to @DM_Berger

      Maybe you're assuming that stuff is inherently unsafe whereas I'm coming from ~opposite assumption?

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
    6. Lulie‏ @reasonisfun Apr 19
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      Replying to @reasonisfun @DM_Berger

      [people who may be interested in this thread or have cool thoughts: @jessi_cata @s_r_constantin ]

      2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
    7. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Apr 19
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      Replying to @reasonisfun @DM_Berger @jessi_cata

      Honestly the vulnerability makes sense to me. There are a lot of things that are dangerous to do with an adversary but helpful to do with an ally — like reveal things about yourself.

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
    8. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Apr 19
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      Replying to @s_r_constantin @reasonisfun and

      If you never do anything with your friends that you couldn’t do with an enemy, your friendships aren’t very deep.

      2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
    9. Lulie‏ @reasonisfun Apr 19
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      Replying to @s_r_constantin @DM_Berger @jessi_cata

      I don't think that is vulnerability though. That's knowing some well enough that you're not vulnerable even when you reveal things that would bite you if you revealed to an enemy. It's similarly not vulnerable to hang out with a gym rat friend. They're not gonna hurt you.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    10. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Apr 19
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      Replying to @reasonisfun @DM_Berger @jessi_cata

      Ah, I think there’s no real disagreement then, only semantics. Most people who praise vulnerability are in favor of doing things that *look superficially* like they could be dangerous, and might scare you, rather than things that are actually dangerous.

      2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
      Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Apr 19
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      Replying to @s_r_constantin @reasonisfun and

      (Or things where there are risks outweighed by benefits; being candid in public is classic Brene Brown vulnerability, and done right it’s also effective marketing, but it does produce some haters.)

      7:59 AM - 19 Apr 2020
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