I need advice for respectfully asking *why* someone made the decision they did. (In a situation where someone presumably had a *good* reason, but my next action depends on my knowing *which reason it was*.) Directly asking "why" always feels like rudely second-guessing them.
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Of course; it's not that I believe authenticity is more important than being understood productively. It's just my experience that the emotional quality of a message has nothing to do with the words, and everything to do with the sender's mind's inner-workings.
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I don't know you, and this is a gender stereotype, but: if you are a man, and you think insincere soothing noises don't work (i.e. that only authenticity works) then my prior is that you just don't have any idea how much insincere soothing is going on around you.
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