The book is *extremely gears-level and accurate* about how emotional flashbacks work, in a way I’ve never seen in writing before.
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You encounter something that makes you feel a *little* bad. You’re like “pshaw, this is no big deal” and dismiss the feeling. But it tends to *escalate* gradually into a bad day; you get irritable, you get down on yourself, you do things you feel ashamed of...
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The solution is to *actually be nice to yourself*. Yes, really. Like a loving mother. The book has example scripts like “you are a good person” and “you don’t have to be perfect to get my love and protection.” It’s kind of magical how well that works.
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“But should I really be nice to myself? I do things I objectively shouldn’t! Isn’t this kind of...unjust?” Nope! Common rookie mistake!
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It would totally be unfair of you to expect *other people* to give you endless, unconditional love and support. But that doesn’t apply to *you*. You’re stuck with yourself for good; you *can* commit to being on your own side no matter what.
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Everyone needs validation! The problem is not that you need it, the problem is that you *never give yourself any* so you’re looking for it externally. You’re not greedy, you’re *starving*.
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It’s interesting to compare and contrast this with Ayn Rand’s take on the same issue. She *gets* that insecurity/motivated cognition/social validation-seeking is an incredibly destructive force, and that it’s really common but *not* a necessary part of the human condition.
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Her portrait of an insecure people-pleaser (Peter Keating) could have been a vignette in the CPTSD book. Raised by a domineering mother, a young man becomes obsessed with social approval & professional “success”, to the point that he has no idea what he himself thinks or feels —
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eventually his sucking up to people escalates to plagiarism, betraying his best friend, ruining his romantic relationship, and even murder. Outwardly he seems nice and competent, but he’s actually miserable and morally rudderless.
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He deliberately lets the partner at his firm die (of a stroke iirc) so he can be promoted to his place.
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Replying to @s_r_constantin
darker than I remembered; blackmail attempt triggers stroke (Part 1, Chapter XV)
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