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s_r_constantin's profile
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
@s_r_constantin

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Sarah Constantin

@s_r_constantin

Math/ML/data-science person now working on solving aging. Founder, LRI and Daphnia Labs. Discourse goes here.

Be
srconstantin.wordpress.com
Joined February 2019

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    1. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
      • Report Tweet

      Everyone needs validation! The problem is not that you need it, the problem is that you *never give yourself any* so you’re looking for it externally. You’re not greedy, you’re *starving*.

      1 reply 11 retweets 66 likes
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    2. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      It’s interesting to compare and contrast this with Ayn Rand’s take on the same issue. She *gets* that insecurity/motivated cognition/social validation-seeking is an incredibly destructive force, and that it’s really common but *not* a necessary part of the human condition.

      1 reply 0 retweets 18 likes
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    3. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      Her portrait of an insecure people-pleaser (Peter Keating) could have been a vignette in the CPTSD book. Raised by a domineering mother, a young man becomes obsessed with social approval & professional “success”, to the point that he has no idea what he himself thinks or feels —

      4 replies 0 retweets 17 likes
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    4. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      eventually his sucking up to people escalates to plagiarism, betraying his best friend, ruining his romantic relationship, and even murder. Outwardly he seems nice and competent, but he’s actually miserable and morally rudderless.

      2 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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    5. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      The problem is that he’s the villain. He has no way to redeem himself. Rand tends to describe the pathologies of insecurity as evil. And while they *are* really harmful, and it *does* make sense for people to learn to recognize dangerous people and defend themselves,

      3 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
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    6. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      just identifying the pattern as “evil” is a *totally inept* form of guidance for people who struggle with insecurity. It’s a useful wake-up call if you weren’t previously aware of the problem, but it’s not a method for solving the problem.

      1 reply 0 retweets 28 likes
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    7. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      According to the CPTSD book, it’s super common for people to realize “Oh! I have an irrational, dysfunctional behavior pattern! Now that I understand that, I’ll just never do it again.” And then you do it again. And get discouraged, and give up.

      1 reply 2 retweets 36 likes
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    8. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      In a “well resourced” mental state, you feel clear, open-minded, able to take criticism, and you like yourself. You don’t feel the need to be defensive or people-pleasing or hide from reality.

      1 reply 0 retweets 35 likes
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    9. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      If you switch between states like that, and states where you have overwhelming cravings to do things you know are dumb, the latter state is an emotional flashback. And “I’ll never have a flashback again, now that I know they’re Bad” is an unrealistic promise to make.

      1 reply 0 retweets 30 likes
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    10. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      The book’s approach is a.) notice flashbacks *early* when they’re *little* and apply self-compassion; b.) make time for working through grief and anger at how you were mistreated in the past. Cry and yell. Put the blame on the perpetrators, instead of on yourself or on innocents.

      2 replies 1 retweet 36 likes
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      Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      To clarify: blame is complicated, in this model. There are studies showing that Holocaust survivors are much more likely than the rest of the population to physically abuse their children. Obviously, the survivors aren't pure "unmoved movers" who are evil for no reason.

      12:01 PM - 31 Jan 2020
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      • 魔法BOZO族GOBLIN ☆ ODDS HB
      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        1. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
          • Report Tweet

          Attributing *causation* accurately means "the Nazis traumatized the parents, who then beat their children, which caused trauma in the children." It doesn't necessarily mean you can't have compassion for the parents.

          0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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