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s_r_constantin's profile
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
@s_r_constantin

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Sarah Constantin

@s_r_constantin

Math/ML/data-science person now working on solving aging...and helping with COVID19?! Founder, LRI and Daphnia Labs. Married to @oscredwin

Be
srconstantin.posthaven.com
Joined February 2019

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    1. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      So “fear of social punishment”, and all the attendant coping mechanisms (self-isolating, being defensive, perfectionism, self-serving biases, etc) is *hard* to get rid of, ie it might take decades from the point you first decide you want to change.

      2 replies 2 retweets 26 likes
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    2. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      The book is *extremely gears-level and accurate* about how emotional flashbacks work, in a way I’ve never seen in writing before.

      1 reply 0 retweets 25 likes
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    3. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      You encounter something that makes you feel a *little* bad. You’re like “pshaw, this is no big deal” and dismiss the feeling. But it tends to *escalate* gradually into a bad day; you get irritable, you get down on yourself, you do things you feel ashamed of...

      1 reply 4 retweets 30 likes
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    4. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      The solution is to *actually be nice to yourself*. Yes, really. Like a loving mother. The book has example scripts like “you are a good person” and “you don’t have to be perfect to get my love and protection.” It’s kind of magical how well that works.

      1 reply 4 retweets 50 likes
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    5. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      “But should I really be nice to myself? I do things I objectively shouldn’t! Isn’t this kind of...unjust?” Nope! Common rookie mistake!

      2 replies 6 retweets 35 likes
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    6. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      It would totally be unfair of you to expect *other people* to give you endless, unconditional love and support. But that doesn’t apply to *you*. You’re stuck with yourself for good; you *can* commit to being on your own side no matter what.

      1 reply 6 retweets 64 likes
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    7. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      Everyone needs validation! The problem is not that you need it, the problem is that you *never give yourself any* so you’re looking for it externally. You’re not greedy, you’re *starving*.

      1 reply 11 retweets 70 likes
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    8. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      It’s interesting to compare and contrast this with Ayn Rand’s take on the same issue. She *gets* that insecurity/motivated cognition/social validation-seeking is an incredibly destructive force, and that it’s really common but *not* a necessary part of the human condition.

      1 reply 0 retweets 19 likes
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    9. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      Her portrait of an insecure people-pleaser (Peter Keating) could have been a vignette in the CPTSD book. Raised by a domineering mother, a young man becomes obsessed with social approval & professional “success”, to the point that he has no idea what he himself thinks or feels —

      4 replies 0 retweets 19 likes
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    10. Angela Chen • 陈诗琪‏Verified account @chengela Jan 31
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      Replying to @s_r_constantin

      do you think the "insecurity isn't inevitable" approach is helpful, given how hard it is to actually eradicate it? one thing I like about ACT therapy is that it avoids the "healthy normality" model; in practice, I think increased acceptance (which then helped reduce the behavior)

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin Jan 31
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      Replying to @chengela

      Actually yes, I do. “insecurity isn’t inevitable but it’s really normal to struggle for a long time, it’s not fair or your fault, it’s something your parents put into you and *their* parents put into them, but we’re working on it” is more hopeful iMO

      9:47 AM - 31 Jan 2020
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        1. Angela Chen • 陈诗琪‏Verified account @chengela Jan 31
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin

          ah, I can see that. makes sense to me, and you're right, it is more hopeful

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