You don't actually need to be extroverted, charming, a sweet talker, witty or anything like that. You can be a total reclusive nerd and still reap the benefits of this realization. The one thing you *do* have to be is NOT AN ASSHOLE Do you know how powerful "NOT AN ASSHOLE" is
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for eg – guys, if you treat women with kindness and respect – especially those who have zero romantic interest in you and/or vice versa – and you make a good impression on them – *they will introduce you to their friends*. it is *ridiculously* powerful. the bar is so low
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whenever I work on anything with anyone, the #1 thing I care about is whether or not the person I'm working with will be happy to introduce me to someone else. (I don't even have to worry about things like compensation at this point, which sounds like a brag but it's just *true*)
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if you know that someone is - kind - not an asshole - responds well to criticism / feedback - doesn't take things personally - doesn't get mad - cares about being equitable - shows up you can pretty confidently refer them around even if they aren't necessarily A+++ performers
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I used to hire freelance writers in my previous role, and it's interesting to reflect on who my favorite writers were, who I would refer to others. it wasn't necessarily the "best" writers. It was those who "I could work with", those who didn't waste my time
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I actually didn't really mind average-ish writing – I can help with that. I can challenge you to be better. But what I can't deal with is if *you* can't deal with being challenged. I actually didn't even really mind flaky writers who disappeared on me. Comes with the territory
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the worst case outcome isn't a writer who's average-ish, or a writer who ghosts me. the worst case is a writer who takes criticism too personally, and ends up playing this tedious, drawn-out edit-war game where we both just get tired and frustrated & nobody's happy
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I think this is true for everything! it's true for dates, it's true for colleagues, true for friends if it isn't a good fit, being able to mutually acknowledge it and move on is actually a good sign. you might even consider referring that person in a different context
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I used to be a much more disagreeable person as a kid, arguing for sport & lulz on retrospect I'm surprised I only lost a handful of friends. I think I did have a kindness under the abrasiveness but... why be abrasive at all? it makes your friends nervous & secretive around you
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Replying to @visakanv
Most of my friends are outspoken and a bit abrasive. I find that a stressful interaction style but clearly if I gravitate to those people I must like something about them. I think I’m drawn to people who have interesting things to say, and that goes with a certain edginess.
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If I go to a room full of strangers and try to socialize, the easiest person for me to befriend is the slightly hyper guy (and it’s usually a guy) who’s holding forth on something he’s passionate about. There’s an obvious way to connect to him.
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Replying to @s_r_constantin @visakanv
And a really common pattern in that guy is being *really* exercised about how everyone is doing it WRONG. Even I find it easy to monologue engagingly about “you have NO IDEA how fucked this industry is, you sweet summer child. Let me tell you my hilarious horror stories.”
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Replying to @s_r_constantin @visakanv
(There’s a female style of this I like a lot too: Evelyn Deavor from Incredibles 2. Funny, urbane, cynical, brilliant woman with a drink in her hand, bitching about how dumb They are, and how much cooler We in this conversation are. I know a few people like this & they’re great.)
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