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s_r_constantin's profile
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
@s_r_constantin

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Sarah Constantin

@s_r_constantin

Math/ML/data-science person now working on solving aging...and helping with COVID19?! Founder, LRI and Daphnia Labs. Married to @oscredwin

Be
srconstantin.posthaven.com
Joined February 2019

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    1. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 15 Dec 2019
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      It’s really really hard to express *the need for change* all by itself, without smuggling in shame/punishment.

      2 replies 1 retweet 21 likes
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    2. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 15 Dec 2019
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      Also super hard: saying “this needs to change and I have no idea how to do that.” People will read it as you judging them for not having solved the whole problem already.

      1 reply 1 retweet 18 likes
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    3. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 15 Dec 2019
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      I used to feel super defensive about people talking about “systemic problems.” Pro tip: if you’re conservative or libertarian, mentally replace “systemic problem” with “incentive problem.” You might find you agree there is one!

      2 replies 6 retweets 44 likes
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    4. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 15 Dec 2019
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      The overall pattern is that even if your goal is just to say “there’s a problem, let’s try to solve it”, you run the risk of either making people feel judged, or being so understated you aren’t listened to at all.

      1 reply 0 retweets 19 likes
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    5. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 15 Dec 2019
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      Urgency without cruelty totally exists; think of pulling a child back from running in the street and shouting “No!” You don’t want to hurt the kid, you’re 100% uninterested in labeling him “bad”, you just *need him to stop right now*.

      1 reply 3 retweets 24 likes
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    6. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      I’ve noticed a thing where *once you get over the hump* of defensive posturing around “are you saying I suck as a person? Of course I don’t suck!” and establish that *we’re not talking about that*, feedback and problem solving immediately gets more productive.

      1 reply 1 retweet 16 likes
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    7. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      One way that gets resolved is by crisis. You fucked up, your fuckup has been exposed, and now we all have to work together to fix it; suddenly the communication around how to fix it becomes more productive, and you wish you could have been talking this candidly all along.

      1 reply 1 retweet 9 likes
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    8. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      In “An Everyone Culture” they describe a company that has an onboarding process where you self-evaluate as either tending to be arrogant or underconfident, and you tell everybody this. There is no “making a good impression” here; everyone has a character flaw.

      1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
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    9. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      I see this as trying to “get over the hump” early; so you don’t have to spend months or years foolishly trying to prove you have no character flaws and you’re the perfect hardworking emotionally balanced employee (so please don’t fire me.)

      1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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    10. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      I think something similar is going on in discourse about “white fragility” and such. White people tend to want to prove they’re innocent of racism — “don’t judge or punish me! I’m not bad!” Well, the alternate perspective is “maybe you’re good, maybe you’re bad, I don’t care;

      1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
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      Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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      can we *please* work on the *actual problems people face related to race* and stop changing the subject to whether you’re a good or bad person?”

      6:36 AM - 16 Dec 2019
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      1 reply 0 retweets 18 likes
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        2. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          “Ok, fine, you want me to judge you? Ok, you’re a bad person. I can see your flaws. *Now* can we stop posturing over whether you’re perfect or not and move on to what a bunch of imperfect people can do to solve the problem?”

          1 reply 1 retweet 9 likes
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        3. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          It can be a relief when your flaws are finally out in the open and the other person *isn’t* actually abandoning you or beating you up or whatever. “Yes, I can see you suck at this. Everyone can see it. No, I don’t hate you for that. What now?”

          1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
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        4. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          You can get to the same place with loving acceptance instead of harshness, but I think that can be even harder. It works best IME when it’s coming from someone like a close friend or partner who is *credible* when they say they love you and they’re not trying to put you down.

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        5. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          @oscredwin likes to tell me “I’m *never* arguing with you about “Sarah, pro or con?” I married you; I’m pro! If you killed someone, I’d help you hide the body!” And I know him, and this is true, and so we can go back to the *actual* issue.

          1 reply 0 retweets 17 likes
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        6. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Defensiveness and insecurity basically do harm by distracting attention and wasting time. Each individual instance doesn’t delay dealing with the issue that long, but they add up.

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        7. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          It’s not that it’s “not okay” to have feelings about “feeling judged.” (“ok” isn’t a primordial thing anyway!) It’s that whatever someone was being “judgy” about might be an *actual issue that still matters* and changing the topic to feelings makes us forget the object level.

          1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
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        8. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          (Or all that might be irrelevant! Sometimes people are being mean/gossipy/judgy just cause they wanna, and there is no object level problem. If you only pay attention to tone and not content, though, you’ll never know the difference.)

          2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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        9. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          *Not* being defensive or full of “motivated cognition” or relitigating the same fights over and over can be scary in a new way because you’re covering brand new territory. It’s like a TV show that covers too much plot per episode; you worry they’ll run out of plot!

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        10. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          If you’re *not* pattern-marching each other’s positions to dumber, less nuanced ones, the two of you will rapidly start to diverge from the rest of society; you’ll become high-context, illegible, hard for most people who don’t know you to understand.

          1 reply 1 retweet 12 likes
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        11. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          I’m not really sure what to do about that one. I’ve always had a sense that it’s nicer/more cooperative to be easy to understand. After all, we all were newbies once at anything we’re expert in today. It feels *weird* to have thoughts I don’t expect to be able to explain.

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        12. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          If you ask yourself “is this conversation producing information?” (Like, literally Shannon information) you’d be surprised how much optimization is going on all the time to *avoid* producing too much information.

          1 reply 1 retweet 15 likes
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        13. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          This is in Finite and Infinite Games too. People mostly don’t want to go in directions that might have surprising or undefined outcomes.

          1 reply 0 retweets 12 likes
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        14. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Anxiety about “are you judging me?” is one of many, many tactics to bring attention back to a familiar social game so it won’t go off into some uncharted wilderness.

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        15. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          You know “wilderness” is nearby when it feels — not acutely bad, but “are you sure we should be doing this? this is getting kind of bizarre. this would have some weird implications.”

          1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
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        16. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          I don’t know what happens if you try leaning *into* the directions that take you to new places, rather than away from them; if you don’t try to slow down the “plot clock.” Maybe the inhibition is there for good reason! Here There Be Dragons.

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        17. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          But, like, the creation of quantum physics theory would be an example of people going “well we *could* model it that way, but it would take us to some weird places” and then *not stopping* and going to the weird places.

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        18. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          And quantum physics (and the Bomb) is both an example of a great human achievement and a top candidate for the thing that will ultimately destroy human life. So...beware I guess?

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        19. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          EA is a great example of this. When a bunch of idealistic people try to ascertain how to do the most good, they come up with weird shit. “Actually no charities are good.” “Destroy the rainforests.” “Wirehead chickens.” “AI safety.” It’s never, like, “give to United Way.”

          1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
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        20. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Different people of course have different values for what’s good, but once you start trying to *optimize* them you leave the mainstream fast. Ecologists think in terms of saving ecosystems, not cute polar bears. Development economists think about institutions and infrastructure.

          1 reply 2 retweets 10 likes
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        21. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          You either get “arcane, abstract, boring” (legal details! administrative policy! spreadsheets and models!) or you get “bizarre supervillain shit” (gene drives! carbon capture! brain uploads!)

          1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
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        22. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Honest inquiry rarely leads to “just do a nice normal thing that you probably felt like you ought to do before but you never got around to.”

          2 replies 1 retweet 13 likes
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        23. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          If you just want your “inquiry” to reinforce what you already think, you had better put a lot of guardrails on it so it doesn’t spit out weird shit. Being scope sensitive at all leads to weird proposals.

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        24. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          This doesn’t just apply to ethical questions. The way to literally make the most money is not gonna be the same as “do the most prestigious and glamorous thing that everyone associates with rich people.”

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        25. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          The way to answer a scientific question is not gonna be the same as “do what proves to the world you’re the smartest and have mastered the trickiest techniques.”

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        26. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          This comes back to judgment again; if you’re trying to achieve a goal you’re gonna get judged. And you’re gonna have to think about what if anything the judgment *means* or *refers to*, not just the experience of hearing it.

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        27. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Does the feedback *in fact* tell you that you should change your plan in real life? Why is the person giving that feedback? What does that tell you about the world?

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        28. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          Back to judging people; I believe doing bad things is common. “So and so has this common character flaw” is not an extraordinary claim requiring extraordinary evidence.

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        29. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          It doesn’t make sense to ostracize or punish the vast, vast majority of people you suspect of having character flaws.

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        30. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          It also doesn’t make sense to flip the bozo bit on people just because you think they have a blind spot.

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        31. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 16 Dec 2019
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          I generally believe in being very very slow to conclude you have nothing to learn from someone. But also being quick to expect that almost everyone engage in behavior & thought patterns that harm themselves and others.

          1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
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