Perhaps people don't understand romantic relationships because they don't understand parent-child relationships.
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If you read Herodotus and Thucydides, you'll see that the Athenians caught up with the famous Spartan toughness VERY quickly whenever a situation called for it.
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I suspect the best thing here is to teach: (a) taking pain as object rather than subject - the better mindfulness-meditation practices can do this without teaching harmful dissociation, but it's hard to be adequately discerning there (b) goal-oriented hard work / grit
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