This is less about parenting, and more about this: most people live in a world where most people don't *really* mean what they say it's not personal, I get it. lots of BS out there but it's funny for me bc many people consistently assume I don't mean what I say when I say it
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as the % odds of us having kids increases, I start paying more attention to how people react to the way I deal with kids IRL I take my nephews and niece very seriously. I talk to them like I talk to any of my friends. This actually makes my mum a little uncomfortable
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nephew: i'm going to buy a ferrari me: oh, nice! how are you going to pay for it? nephew: i'm going to be a business man me: cool!! what sort of business my mum: how can you ask him that, he's just a little boy me: *internally* you don't know shit about raising children
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a little too real...? I love my parents, but2 replies 0 retweets 25 likesShow this thread -
here's another fun anecdata set I have met older adults – uncles, aunties, etc – who are genuinely surprised that I love my wife these are the people who share "marriage is a life sentence" memes in whatsapp groups if I question them about it, they get uncomfortable
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anyway for context, I got here because I don't intend to send my kid(s) to extra tuition. If the kid(s) want it and ask for it, then maybe, sure – we'd have a conversation about it – but I'm not going to send them there out of fear and shame that they won't do well in schoolpic.twitter.com/vHa7utBavq
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"you say that now! but all of your friends will send their kids to tuition! and you will feel like a bad parent for not doing enough!" respectfully, I reject this entire frame. If I have kids, the child's long-term flourishing and well-being is the top priority
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I work hard to be pretty consistent about this on every front. I work hard to be a good friend, a good peer, a good *person*. I work hard not to project my insecurities and neediness onto other people. I think hard about what the right thing to do is, and I do it
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to be clear: *none* of this is to shame anybody else for making the decisions that they make literally the reason I make all this effort is because I was shamed and guilt-tripped needlessly as a child, by everyone around me – school, teachers, etc... and I refuse to pass it on
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saying this stuff out loud can seem dramatic but it's really not very dramatic
in practice it's simple, uneventful: "nah i'm good, thanks"4 replies 2 retweets 25 likesShow this thread
Don’t know how this is in Singapore but our kid is at the age now where the “tracked” thing would be applying for an exclusive preschool, and we’re not. It’s expensive & it’s icky. Homeschool + early work/intern/real project experience seems like the smart bet in 2019.
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Replying to @s_r_constantin
Yeah I think that’s the common upper-middle-class thing to do here too
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