I'm fairly good at *making friends* with people. I'm also good at getting focused work done solo. I find it *very* hard to get cognitively intense work done *with* people without feeling flustered/pressured. Any advice on this?
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Is the concern that you'll piss people off and harm the relationship by speaking your mind? Could you incorporate a consideration of how likely that is into your critical analysis and then only rely on that part of your brain? Seems to me that risk should be low most of the time.
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The solution is probably somewhere in this space but the problem is at a more instinctive level than the intellectual awareness of "this person won't mind disagreement" can fix.
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If you do some of the thinking ahead of time, it may help. Before you meet with people, write down some of the points you want to make, questions you want to ask, and an agenda for the meeting, even if you aren't running it. Then refer to the notes during the meeting to remember.
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Simulating the course of conversation ahead of time seems to help me get a handle on it, even if the conversation goes differently than I expect. I think through scenarios like "If I say A, they might say J,K,or H, so what will I say then?"
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I don't think you're strange here - they may be somewhat intrinsically incompatible. This is what process is for! Dull meeting chairing, it works.
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I'm pretty sure they actively inhibit one another at a neurological level. In general, one brain region's activation means inhibition for the homologous, contralateral region.
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Oh I get what you are saying! I have sort of the same thing. I can get really intense and focused and I think that’s okay and people understand and sometimes appreciate it.
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