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s_r_constantin's profile
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
Sarah Constantin
@s_r_constantin

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Sarah Constantin

@s_r_constantin

Math/ML/data-science person now working on solving aging...and helping with COVID19?! Founder, LRI and Daphnia Labs. Married to @oscredwin

Be
srconstantin.posthaven.com
Joined February 2019

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    1. Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 19 Jul 2019
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      I'm fairly good at *making friends* with people. I'm also good at getting focused work done solo. I find it *very* hard to get cognitively intense work done *with* people without feeling flustered/pressured. Any advice on this?

      16 replies 3 retweets 105 likes
    2. Benjamin Slayton‏ @SlaytonBenjamin 19 Jul 2019
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      Replying to @s_r_constantin

      Practice assertiveness skills. There’s a lot of good books on it. It is a very useful skill, most people are either too passive too aggressive or a bit of both. Assertiveness is a real superpower. And hard to do.

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      Sarah Constantin‏ @s_r_constantin 19 Jul 2019
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      Replying to @SlaytonBenjamin

      Most books on social skills I've found just reiterate the problem statement. I think "I need to learn to do X, let me find a book" and the book just says "It's very important to do X." How do you get past that?

      12:00 PM - 19 Jul 2019
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      7 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        1. Ross D. Silverman‏ @phlu 20 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin @SlaytonBenjamin

          I (and many of my students) have found the article below helpful. Stating up front that you're a "hard on the problem" person & welcome the same from them can help too. Finally RBG's quote: "It helps to be a little deaf.":https://hbr.org/2013/12/conflict-strategies-for-nice-people …

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        2. uncatherio‏ @uncatherio 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin @SlaytonBenjamin

          I hope this isn’t too far afield, but it feels like some inspiration or potential pointer. I’ve had this go well in couples therapy I’ve been to. If the problem statement is “we need to learn how to do X together in our relationship” ...

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. uncatherio‏ @uncatherio 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @uncatherio @s_r_constantin @SlaytonBenjamin

          ... then a good therapist has you start to try doing X, (or talk about X), in tiny micro steps, and watch moment by moment what actually happens. Then provides small corrections of what to try instead, has you try that live during the session, see how THAT goes, etc

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        1. Benjamin Slayton‏ @SlaytonBenjamin 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin

          Here is the book I read. The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourse... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572242094/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awdb_t1_x_74KmDb0GTNWV0 … via @amazon

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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        1. Benjamin Slayton‏ @SlaytonBenjamin 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin

          The book I read which I benefitted a lot from (I’ll link it below) was more so like, these are assertive behaviors, and these are not. Basically it is important to recognize things I did that were passive aggressive and learn the assertive alternative.

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        1. Benjamin Slayton‏ @SlaytonBenjamin 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin

          It is hard to know what assertiveness is when you are used to interacting people a certain either passive or aggressive way. The book gives alternative approaches and exercises to recognize bad habits and develop good ones.

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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        1. Benjamin Slayton‏ @SlaytonBenjamin 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin

          I consider a good book like that does not just say it is important to do x. It explains how, and why.

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        1. GwendolynHuot‏ @GwendolynHuot 19 Jul 2019
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          Replying to @s_r_constantin @SlaytonBenjamin

          How to get past that? Perhaps let the situation become frustrating/untenneble enough that you are *compelled* to try X. Or alternately, lower the stakes in your imagination and turn trying X into a game.

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