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@rzypci

dirtbag femme shouting into the void, retweets from hilarious people, purposefully unprofessional.

Unceded Coast Salish Territory
Joined November 2008
986 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Retweeted
    24 hours ago

    I wrote about marriage.

    8 replies 48 retweets 829 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    9 hours ago

    Dear Amazon, I bought a toilet seat because I needed one. Necessity, not desire. I do not collect them. I am not a toilet seat addict. No matter how temptingly you email me, I'm not going to think, oh go on then, just one more toilet seat, I'll treat myself.

    395 replies 8,588 retweets 42,834 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    2 hours ago

    literally any friend: Can I be petty? Me:

    6 replies 115 retweets 485 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    [on my deathbed] at last, I am free from horniness. no more will I battle with The Thirst [the next day]

    22 replies 1,164 retweets 4,256 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    Jan 5

    Stranger Wings with Demogorgonzola cheese dip

    3 replies 2 retweets 28 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    5 Nov 2017

    you: "it's demogorgon" me, an intellectual: "it's demogorgonzola"

    8 replies 21 retweets 160 likes
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  7. 11 hours ago

    When you think you have an original joke then search it on twitter...good for the ego

    the Stranger Things salad comes with demogorgonzola cheese
    1 like
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  8. 15 hours ago

    The smelliest tastiest cheese in the upside-down: demogorgonzola

    2 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    What if we never had to have another Bobby Flay show but was on every new food show forever? This is all I want now.

    1 reply 1 retweet 8 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    7yo: As you can see, I smeared mud on my coat Me: 😐 7yo: I was pretending to be a Celtic warrior but there’s no woad in our schoolyard Me: 😐 7yo: well, how else am I supposed to scare my enemies?

    30 replies 103 retweets 988 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Apr 3

    As I've said before I do a version of this in almost all my undergrad classes. Hands down, virtually all students think the US pop. is almost half black. My joke is, black people are in ten places. I'm only half joking.

    African American Population in the United States, as percentages
    113 replies 2,730 retweets 5,505 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    Cat Power is my favorite musical artist named after two kinds of nap.

    69 replies 2,470 retweets 16,988 likes
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  13. Apr 3

    Stoked to support and my fave dudes

    1 reply 2 likes
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  14. Retweeted
    Apr 3

    If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits."

    690 replies 30,648 retweets 137,537 likes
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  15. Retweeted
    Apr 2

    skills that have contributed to the success of my book that have nothing to do with my writing ability: - taking constructive criticism - asking for help - meeting deadlines - using social media - event planning - answering email - using a calendar - being friendly

    27 replies 800 retweets 5,671 likes
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  16. Retweeted
    Apr 3

    You only underestimate West Coast seagulls once, tbh

    A Nova Scotia man says he was young and immature and generally unaware of the aggressive nature of West Coast seagulls when he left a suitcase of pepperoni near an open hotel window.
    7 replies 80 retweets 349 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Apr 2

    one great thing about my enemies is they’re idiots

    7 replies 100 retweets 667 likes
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  18. Apr 2

    Goddamn Jane the virgin is all mom daughter stuff so here I am sobbing at 1am

    2 likes
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  19. Apr 1

    The fact that Jemaine Clement used to essentially LARP as a vampire a lot makes me feel so many feelings of kinship (and horniness)

    3 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    Apr 1

    Can we please mix religion and broadway twitter every Sunday?

    29 replies 278 retweets 2,043 likes
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