Let's start with the most painful truth - you know more than one someone who can credibly be called a survivor of abuse. They probably haven't told you. In many cases, they probably haven't told anyone. These people don't share their stories because "good guys" are largely myth
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Why? Inaction. It's frequently just as damaging as action when it comes to abuse. Too few people listen to survivors, fewer believe survivors, and even fewer choose to act in a productive manner. Look around, we're drowning in evidence of this right now.
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The PRODUCTIVE part of that sentence is key. Not reactive physical harm to the abuser, addressing your own anger doesn't solve anything for the survivor. I'm taking about being there as support, listening and standing with them as they need it. Meeting THEIR needs, not yours.
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This isn't me pointing a finger at everyone else as though I'm not guilty. I'm not a good guy. I am absolutely guilty too.
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We see abuse, and we say or do nothing. We don't call it out when we see it. We don't hold our friends and neighbors accountable. We say things like "why did they stay in that place" as though the victim should have known there were safe spaces when surrounded by inaction.
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But, somehow, we get to label ourselves good guys. Or we pressure those near us into calling us the good guy to make us feel better. But it's almost always bullshit, any we refuse to deal with it when reality shows up.
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We should all do a better job addressing the shit we've done in the past, and figure out how to talk to people near us when they do something they shouldn't. It doesn't have to be a physical confrontation most of the time, just need to stand for the things we say we believe in.
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End of conversation
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This thread is really important, and I hope that more men read it. <3
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Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Thanks Russell. I haven't had many words of my own to share on this, because the line between BS virtrue signalling to make myself feel better, and taking a public stand, has been difficult to find.
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