FRIEND: It's called cauliflower. It's not ghost broccoli.
ME: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] Listen kid, I know what I saw.
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Roxi Horror 
@roxiqt
Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 
on TikTok & Instagram 
roxiqt.com on Bluesky 
I write jokes online 
on TikTok & Instagram roxiqt.com on Bluesky I write jokes online Toronto, OntarioJoined August 2014
Roxi Horror 💀🌸’s Tweets
being on a vc with multiple autistic people is so fucking funny because one person will repeat a word and no matter how many people you have on vc everyone will start repeating it like the seagulls from finding nemo
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"You'd look better without make-up" You've never seen me without make-up, you have no way to know if that is true, I am putting your cast iron pan in the dishwasher
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Dating sucks as a high-risk person because people will be like "You're everything I've ever wanted. I wanna wake up with you every day for the rest of my life." Then you ask them to wear a face mask so they don't maim you & they act like you just insulted their entire bloodline.
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I don’t say “ohhh big stretch” to my dog I say “ooooh good stretch” because I want him to know I appreciate his form
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The sluttiest thing a man can do is respond to a text message in a timely manner.
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we no longer have the numbers for street protest that we had in 2020, so a march alone is nowhere near as disruptive as those were. to make impact we must do stuff like shut down the subway tracks. it's good
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when you unfollow me , I can no longer offer you protections in the next life .
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Idk how to make this any clearer: relating stories of harassment you’ve received from unhoused men specifically in the wake of the public lynching of an unhoused Black man is propaganda against the unhoused. It’s that simple. It’s genocidal rhetoric because of its context
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I've lived downtown for most of my adult life & have met a lot of homeless people. One day, I was sitting in my apartment & got a phone call. The person said "Hey, is this Roxi's relative? We found your phone." I said I was related to the person & could return the phone.
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this is how u know billionaires arent smart theyre just lucky because any 13 year on tumblr at the time would tell her that she made a bad business decision LOL
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This thread 🥺. This sounds like it could be one of my countless clients I’ve met in my 20 years working in my sector. Houseless people are some of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met in my life. Comrades through and through.
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I've lived downtown for most of my adult life & have met a lot of homeless people. One day, I was sitting in my apartment & got a phone call. The person said "Hey, is this Roxi's relative? We found your phone." I said I was related to the person & could return the phone.
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yes actually bigots should be afraid to express their shitty bigoted opinions and there is nothing wrong with that
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If it seems like people in general seem more terrified and jumpy and fragile and aggressive right now, might I suggest that we’ve all been living in a trauma tsunami for years and everyone in charge keeps telling us we’re fine and we should just walk it off
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Doing everything you can to stay alive is punk as hell & no one will ever convince me otherwise.
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the sluttiest thing a man can do is text to ask how you are & if you’ve eaten today
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Could a depressed person do this? [drinking soup out of a wine glass]
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Ocean pollution is a huge problem but there is an obvious solution. Raccoons love to eat garbage. Therefore, if we trained a raccoon navy, they'd be able to go out into the sea & eat the ocean garbage. I don't see how this plan could go wrong. We should also give them swords.
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THERAPIST: [over the phone] How have you been passing the time?
ME: [mixing 4 types of cereal together to create a stronger, more delicious super cereal] I'm learning to cook
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Replying to
Your honor, the right of an individual to be Baja Blasted is enshrined in our constitution.
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Your honor, my client is innocent as they were clearly doing the dew at the time of the crime
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Sorry, ex-boyfriend, but you have been replaced by a 2L of Diet Pepsi that makes me happy in ways you can't even imagine.
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Slowly realizing I didn't want a new relationship. I just wanted a can of Diet Coke. The universe is healing.
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Replying to
"I wish americans protested like the french"
We do. And then you complain about it.
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You can't go on about how you want a revolution in North America & that you think we should protest the same way they protest in France- when you're not willing to find another way to work because the subway is occupied. Like, be serious. The revolution will not be convenient.
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"People don't do enough online"
"Okay so we will do things in the real world"
"No! Not like that!"
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The Venn diagram of people that complain online about how activists don't do enough in the real world to change things & people that complain about protesters blocking subways because it's inconvenient to them personally- is a circle.
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Replying to
real besties are both constantly unaware of what day it actually is
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self diagnosis is the first step to real diagnosis. I could rant abt this for HOURS
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It's weird to see people going on about how folks shouldn't self-diagnose their own health issues while we are going through an unchecked airborne plague that rapidly accelerates how fast specific health issues (like cancer) worsen in severity.
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Never letting a man send me songs on Spotify ever again. You break my heart? Whatever. But you dare to screw up my Discover Weekly? Or worse- my Spotify Wrapped? Disgusting. Shameful. Unforgivable. You will not see the gates of Heaven.
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You're starting the day with a cup of decaf coffee & some toast. I'm pouring Mountain Dew into a bowl of cereal because I ran out of milk again. We are not the same.
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the day the queen died, I had ketamine treatment and halfway through I asked my friend who was sitting with me "is the queen dead yet" bc I had seen tweets that it was coming, etc. and my friend, who is Not Online, thought ketamine made me psychic
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Coronation Twitter is almost as funny as The Queen Died Twitter.
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