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FRIEND: It's called cauliflower. It's not ghost broccoli. ME: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] Listen kid, I know what I saw.
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ME: I'm still going to be interested in this hobby in a month MY ADHD BRAIN:pic.twitter.com/wDJCf2nGyo
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Roxi Horror RetweetedThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
Tying my boyfriend up like a horse outside the restaurant I’m eating inside of after I’m vaccinated and he’s not
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It's always horrifying when random strangers online assume I am a liberal whenever I have a hot political take because I lean way further left than that.
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Social media tip: Every couple of months, it's important to tweet about having a boyfriend because it gets all the weird dudes that asked if they could have some of your hair "for personal reasons" to unfollow.
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
Normalize googling the ending of movies before you watch them so you don’t have to be stressed out about whats going to happen
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I live with a strange handsome little man that likes to cook me gluten free lasagnas, shows me random photos of raccoons & hoards a large amount of shiny golden dice. What I'm saying is: My boyfriend is basically a goblin.
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Tweeting about dating someone and losing followers is always wild because it's like... who are these mythical creatures that believed we'd somehow end up together one day despite how we've never spoken? It's incredible.
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When I felt chaotic before the pandemic, I would go get a tattoo. When I feel chaotic now, I add cheese with little chunks of jalapeno in it to my grocery list instead of regular cheese.
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Unpaid internships are a scam & there's no valid reason to expect anyone to work for 3-12 months for free without paying them- while they also have to work a second full time job to stay alive. Unpaid internships exist to exploit young people & get them to undervalue their labor.
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
Drink water. Eat vegetables. Be nice to animals. Exercise regularly. Explore nature. Find a small door under a tree. Open it. Take a look inside. Get pepper sprayed by a tiny elf. Learn a valuable lesson about knocking first.
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
My best advice for success on a date is to wear your cursed locket that doesn’t whisper anything crass during dinner; save your less polite cursed items for the third date
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
When this is over, you have no obligation to be the same person you were before. Maybe, you want to change careers. Maybe, you want to get tattoos. Maybe, you want to command a small army of pigeons in the bird uprising against the squirrels. You are the author of your own story.
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Being in quarantine for a year is realizing that the part of you that used to go out partying has been replaced by standing at your window watching pigeons fly by & saying out loud to yourself "Huh, I wonder what's going on over there?" forever.
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
writer who only finds happiness in writing but also just doesn’t feel like it today
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THEM: You're disabled? Must be nice being home all the time ME: [has chronic pain] Oh, you like quarantine? THEM: No? It sucks ME: Oh, I would think it must be nice
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
Why call it ADHD when you can call it bees in my head there are bees in my head whenever I try to focus there are bees in my fucking head
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Roxi Horror Retweeted
People will always be like “lmao they actually blocked me” yeah man I pressed two buttons to get rid of a weird guy and I’ll do it again
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