me going on a stupid little daily walk just to feel something
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ruby 🐊’s Tweets
Yesterday my friend & wonderful comedian Katie Price experienced an antisemitic attack at the Spurs Arsenal game. She doesn’t use twitter so I’m sharing what she wrote on her behalf:
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when you’re excited to use your new rolling pin but then remember the pain you have caused others
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please look after your laptops in this heat 🙏 if the fan starts whirring it means they're in distress - soak it in a basin of cold water for 30 mins, then place in fridge
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⚠️WE’RE STREAMING THE EDINBURGH FRINGE
Tune into 50+ shows from anywhere in the world 🎥
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Grab your streaming passes HERE: nextupcomedy.com/edfringe
(Use the code EARLYBIRD at checkout for £10 off!)
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my dad who “didn’t want a cat” showing Lucas every item of the weekly shop because “he wants to see what we’ve got”
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me: let me just resize this image-
Microsoft Word: [changes font to Runes, pastes entire Magna Carta, 3D prints a haunted amulet]
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me walking from somewhere I don’t want to be to somewhere I don’t want to go
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Tea:
- calming
- many flavours
- the answer to all problems
Coffee:
- Anxiety Juice™
- 3 heartbeats for the price of 1
- more than 4 cups and you can talk to electricity
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facebook tweeting has strong blocked ex reaching out on LinkedIn vibes
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⚠️TOMORROW at !
Tits and Giggles 2: The Revenge
LINEUP:
MC
+ Fiona Ridgewell
In-person tickets HERE: nextupcomedy.com/tits (what an URL)
Free to stream for NextUp members!
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🚨TONIGHT!!!
7:30pm live from in Bethnal Green 🎉
WITH:
@luisaomielan MC
Venue tickets HERE: eventbrite.co.uk/e/its-all-tits
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About to fly across the country to tell my ex how to pronounce espresso. Wish me luck
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when you’re locked in a passive aggressive email thread waiting to see who’ll drop the “kind” from “kind regards” first
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if you see me still sitting like this 3 hours after I had a shower mind your business
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similar thing with calculators. You think I’m only pressing the Clear All button once? Think again, Greg
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one day I’ll be able to send an email without immediately going into my sent folder to check if I accidentally told them to fuck off
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when in-person meetings return and you see me standing silently in the corner with a bag over my head mind your business I’m on mute with my camera off
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