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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    3. sij

    Girlfriend: You never say anything romantic to me. Me: *just called her the rootinest tootinest cowboy the west has ever seen* Are you joking right now?

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  2. prije 5 sati

    I decided to not be a team competing in the Superbowl this year but I might next year. If any mutuals would like to be on my Superbowl team let me know.

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  3. prije 6 sati

    My post didn't get many likes. Looking up Tusli Gabbard's policies.

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  4. prije 7 sati

    You (Mr. Peanut) come at the king (Baby Yoda) you best not miss (you did)

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Will not name names because I don't want to give her the attention she craves but the celebrity who's been tormenting me in the DMs needs to grow up

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  6. prije 7 sati

    hey guys I think I have a toxic landlord. Is this legal?

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  7. prije 17 sati

    Just heard about football, might check it out. What time is it on next week?

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    11. ruj 2019.

    Me: I made a tweet! My brain: did anybody press the Button Me: many people pressed the Button Brain: excellent. you may now have 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝓂𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓈

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Shakira I would pay your tax bill if i could please dm

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    me, the only one in spanish class who can’t roll his r’s:

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Friend: Do you wanna come with me to Australia? Me: Ah sorry, I cant take off work Friend: I’m just nervous because they say everything there is trying to kill you Me: *suddenly holding a packed suitcase* We should get to the airport early

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [Monday Morning] Co-Worker: What a super bowl! Me: *very proud of my homemade pottery* Wow thank you so much dude

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  13. prije 22 sata

    Superbowl Sunday baby you know what that means- tapping through everyone's insta stories from my couch, jealous of their friendship and reeling with snack envy

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  14. 2. velj

    I love the Superbowl because I get to drink white claws and eat hummus with my friends but it's weird that there's a football game on literally every single time we do this.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    I’m getting the last response tattooed on my chest

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    not sure why the bad part of "you made your bed, now lie in it" is the part where you get to lie in a bed

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    we live in an era of political and social disunity. as we root for our respective teams today, let’s reflect also on what we can all agree on: its good and just that mr. peanut is dead & if the planters corporation brings him back to life then they are history’s greatest cowards

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    [guy who’s about to invent spaghetti] *looking at snakes* what if they were italian

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  19. 2. velj

    Remember in middle school when kids would memorize 20 digits of pi and then be like "I'm good at math" like bro is that what you think math is?

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Aye homie there’s been more Sufjan Stevens on your IG story than usual, is everything ok?

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Plot twist! somehow doesn’t have a million followers. You should follow him for great tweets like this one

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