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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    love 2 order girl scout cookies

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  2. I've been reading up on how to get over a sinus infection and they say you should be hydrated and well rested and I just don't think those are realistic goals for me

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Damn, Twitter sucks and it's all I have

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  4. 5. velj

    You know how you open twitter and you see everyone's doin' a thing and you're like I don't even WANNA KNOW

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  5. 4. velj

    This Starbucks is actually the premier location in NYC for teens to make out.

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  6. 4. velj

    Trying to write in a Starbucks was a mistake. I thought it was a place people came for coffee but it's mostly a place where people come just to scream?

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  7. 4. velj

    Would it be a welcome distraction to learn that today I accidentally cut off some of my hair because I routinely use a pair of scissors as a back scratcher

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  8. 4. velj

    I love how every headline today is just "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

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  9. 4. velj

    We're all out here tweetin' still huh? Well, ok

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  10. 3. velj

    Ok someone please make a cute baby version of me

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    You can’t get us all horned up with JLO on a pole and then unleash 50 children on the stage

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  12. 2. velj

    I had a dream last night that the Democratic nominee ended up being some guy named Andrew Seabreeze and we were all weirdly cool with it.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    LIFE HACK: live a life of endless wonder and surprise by never quite learning how to spell

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  14. 2. velj

    Should I start a company that sells candles that smell like each subway station? I know you're gonna say "haha they all smell like pee" but the 7 train at 42nd St. has had the same distinctive musty smell for at least 10 years.

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  15. 1. velj

    As someone who has always been deeply uncomfortable with the word "yummy," I appreciate Justin Bieber's exposure therapy.

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  16. 29. sij

    Trying to figure out if I have coronavirus and the cdc says a symptom is "a general feeling of being unwell." but that's me 24/7 babyyyyyyy

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  17. 29. sij

    Every time I catch a cold I realize I have GOT TO stop high-fiving people so much.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Sometimes I put a cashew in my mouth for the dentist to find.

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  19. 24. sij

    In case you were wondering, the group of bros sitting around me on this Spirit airlines flight to Fort Lauderdale have decided the age cap for any women they have sex with on this trip is 38.

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  20. 23. sij

    I booked a flight on Spirit airlines and I have to wonder why Past Me so desperately wanted Present Me to suffer.

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  21. 22. sij

    I wish I could die like Mr. Peanut so you'd all tweet cute little jokes about me

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