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Rob Huebel
@robhuebel
I’m friends with your Mom
Rob Huebel’s Tweets
I’ve seen the movie. Do you normally tuck your shirt into your ballsack over and over?
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(1) The Borat video is a complete fabrication. I was tucking in my shirt after taking off the recording equipment.
At no time before, during, or after the interview was I ever inappropriate. If Sacha Baron Cohen implies otherwise he is a stone-cold liar.
Just bought a new mountain lion and let him go in Griffith Park heads up
I'm a comedian who has benefitted from simply being male and white. I've not always noticed the level to which female comedians are harassed and what the comedy world is like for them. I will do more to support women comics. Fuck you, creeps.
The most insane commercial for cigars: twitter.com/DanielNewman/s
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Crossing border from Canada to US guard asks me what I do.
Me: “I’m an actor”
Him: “What would I know you from?”
Me: (guess) “I was on ‘The Office’ a few times.”
Long pause.
Me: “I briefly stole Michael’s girlfriend Holly. I was AJ”. Long pause. Him: “You can enter the USA”
This many deaths. They died alone. No family to hold their hands. No goodbye hugs. And trump is playing golf.
Whenever somebody says "it removes the toxins from your body" I know that they are dumber than me
This is just like that time Obama had lunch with Osama bin Laden and told him we were all good with 9/11 and then they shot some hoops
Late for work at ‘Christian Earrings’
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I am going to watch this every morning for the rest of my life.
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Sometimes I think about that day I spotted Keanu pulled over on his motorcycle, checking his texts and smiling to himself and I realize that might have been the best day of my life
"When can I have more pee pee?"
"Soon. Just do as I say."
"I love you daddy"
"I know. Fuck you."
Oh fuck yes
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'Childrens Hospital' team reunites for Netflix comedy starring @hayeslady, @robhuebel thr.cm/akONnZ
If you currently own a restaurant that only serves calamari and you’re not changing the name to SQUID PRO QUO you are fucking up so bad.
Our pitbull barked at the #earthquake and scared it and now you are all safe again so go back to bed
Some good news for a change!
Just called Joe Manchin’s WV office and unloaded a lot of my thoughts about the Senator. Won’t help. But felt great. Try it: 304-342–5855
I fucking hope Biden walks out at the debates and casually hands $750 to trump and goes “just keep it, man”.
Showed this to my wife and she now wants to meet him.
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Can’t stop laughing.
“That’s between you and him.” twitter.com/fred035schultz
"What do I do now Daddy?"
"Await my instructions."
"And the pee? I can have more?"
(Click)
Dating Tip: act like you are playing hard to get your whole life and then die alone
This video made me scream “YESSSSSSSSSSSSS”
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Dear White House Press Correspondents, (@whca)
Thank you for the very difficult job you do every day.
I understand Trump is having another press conference today.
Here's my new short video to prepare. #InterruptTrump
#InterruptTrump
1:16
The real fucking mindblower will be at the end of this nightmare we find out this dipshit also fucking sucks at golf
I won't be watching the Inauguration because there is better TV on then
Glorious Father hates grassy hills! All hills will be flattened! Strong Leader likes flat surfaces!
I could watch a 90 minute movie of these kids laughing
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A kid ripped a huge fart in class on a Zoom and naturally - everyone - teacher included - found it hilarious.
In case you needed a smile today...twitter.com/Dyslexic_aDve/
This feels like in the movies where the bad guys are so dumb they tell you how they are gonna kill you instead of just fucking shooting you
This is real. A mural (one of many) from children's jail that the kids have to look at. This is our country now.
Got this in a moment of anger and now I'm worried it's too much. It's too much right? May have to change it to ice cream or a chicken wing
I feel so bad for trump staffers who can’t find jobs right now. Wanna work in my shit factory tasting shit to see if it tastes enough like shit?
Republicans investigating Trump is like the NFL investigating concussions.
IT'S WORKING. Nordstrom drops Ivanka Trump-branded clothing and shoes wpo.st/geOZ2
Remember how fun it was before we were all forced to become fucking lawyers just to keep up?
I asked my daughter who is 2 and likes the book GOODNIGHT MOON if the moon was a part of mars and she said “don’t be a fucking idiot only an asshole would think that”.
Writers learn from my mistake: Someone with a WWG1WGA bumper-sticker is NOT in the Writer’s Guild so you don’t need to wave to them
Strongman Father is Smartest Father! Hires enemy of EPA to run EPA! If world is too hot buy CARRIER air-conditioners fools! Smart Father!
I enjoy texting old friends this time of year to ask for their address. They think they're getting a card but I'm just looking on Zillow to see how much they paid for their home
Everyone that uses this GIF tonight and doesn’t mail me a dollar will be sued by my lawyers and I will fuck you up legally in 2023
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My neighbor said he read I was in the hospital. I said that’s . He said “then who the fuck are you?” Saying a prayer for #BobOdenkirk 🙏
On the bright side, with 26,000 troops in DC, Biden’s inaugural crowd size already blows trump’s out of the water
If you live in Kentucky, please show this clip to your friends:
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McGrath: We need to hold Big Pharma accountable—he’s incapable of doing that b/c he took more $ from them than anyone else. And we must protect the ACA so ppl can get treatment.
Moderator: Sen McConnell would you like to respond?
Mitch: Nah—let’s move on.
Moderator: OK then...
1:00
Fuck yesssssssssss
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Medical Police - Netflix Orders Childrens Hospital Spinoff Starring @hayeslady and @robhuebel with
@robcorddry returning to write
spoilertv.com/2018/12/medica
FUCK YEAH WE DID!
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We played Scooby Doo Mystery Mayhem with @robhuebel! Watch it! youtube.com/watch?v=DoXtYJ
I love this so much.
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Jaime Harrison brought his own plexiglas divider to his Senate debate with Lindsay Graham.
#SCSen
Ugh how does it feel to be the most hated man on the planet knowing that when you die, millions will laugh and clap?
Starbucks guy actually just said "thanks a latte". Everyone is taking turns beating the shit out of him.
I'm at Coachella selling sunscreen that I made out of breast milk and ecstasy
👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
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We made some new covers for Jared Kushner’s book and put them in Barnes and Noble.
I’m about to light my car on fire for fun 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
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To people telling me to not get too excited over the dems gaining control of power in the senate...
0:13
I'm going to keep tweeting this pic of Mueller and Don Jr on the same flight until my dick goes soft.
Stephen Miller is 32. This is what practicing evil does to your face. Tarantulas fuck his mouth at night and lay their eggs.
When I was a kid our home phone number was close to Honey Baked Ham’s number and my brothers and I would often take orders instead of telling them it was the wrong number and I’m sure I ruined a lot of Holiday dinners and I’m not sure how to make this right.
Guy who fell asleep in car wash while having a sexy dream…then remembers he was eating a breakfast burrito.
Got pulled over for swerving all over hwy with my dick out the window/told cop I was unfamiliar w/ protocol and new to this. Fingers crossed
This got me fired up!! twitter.com/meena/status/1
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This feels better than that time I got attacked by that fucking shark and I shoved an oxygen tank into its mouth and shot it and it exploded and I killed it and then we swam back to shore and the whole town wanted to have sex with me.
Bet they are having a hard time coming up with 2 folders of flattery today
Not joking. Can I volunteer at my post office? Like to help sort mail or expedite? Or if I have to be an employee can I give my wages back?
BREAKING: the bombshell vid Gary Johnson doesn't want you to see. Starring , and me tinyurl.com/jcptem2
You weren't invited..
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I will not be attending the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner this year. Please wish everyone well and have a great evening!
When trump comes back we should all just hide for a few days. Everyone be totally quiet. He will get confused and just leave.
Do not feel bad for Favre when he goes to prison for stealing welfare money from poor people in Miss.
Father for Leader is like a smart person! Discredits media so we don't believe Russia stories! Bow to Leader!
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Just watched @NBCNightlyNews - So biased, inaccurate and bad, point after point. Just can't get much worse, although @CNN is right up there!
This tired Dad blew me away today on the picket lines for ! Had a baby on his chest and his daughter next to him. 😍#whywestrike #wga
Just saw that actor from Raiders of the Lost Ark- that Nazi face-melting guy at a Yogurtland. He said it was special effects and he's ok
Let's move on from the Red Hen distraction. And is invited to my restaurant ANY TIME for all she can eat. I own DIARRHEA DAVE'S.
Come on butter. Come on lard. Come on fast food. Clog his arteries up tight.
Proud Leader hide your tender eyes! I will find the cows that made this hurtful butter! DEATH!
