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@robfromonline

Extremely Online except for the times when i'm Extremely Offline | he/him | top tweets:

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Vrijeme pridruživanja: ožujak 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    "new year new me" my clone mutters as he shoves me into the furnace

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  2. 3. velj

    [after watching exactly one super bowl ad] boy i sure am excited to purchase some products

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  3. 1. velj

    okay everyone is fucking cancelled

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    me: you're all named after actors from my favorite movie growing up my daughter Cindy: oh ok my son Jeff: yeah that makes sense my daughter The Guy Who Played Tron: i hate you

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. stu 2019.

    Me: this isn’t bad. I like shrek the third Satan: hell is just watching stuff dude. shrek the first is next Me [horrified]: shrek the what Satan: Me: please tell me you don’t say shrek the second Satan [glancing over at his blu-ray copy of shrek the next]: of course not

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    boss: you're fired me: is it because i dress too casually on casual fridays boss: it's thursday me: or is it because i always forget what day it is boss: {pointing at my crocs} why are you wearing socks with those me: it's casual friday boss: get out

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Me: I’d like to try some face framing layers Hairdresser: *finishing cut* there! now it’s like you have bangs! Me: well we’re a little ahead of schedule on my impending depressive episode but let’s see where this goes

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    marie kondo holding me up in front of my friends and family asking does this spark joy? and as they solemnly shake their heads i blink out of existence

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    yo what the hell

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    [trying to bond with my new coworkers] me: you guys like harry potter? [they continue trying to resuscitate the patient] me: *loudly over flatline noise* DO YOU GUYS LIKE HARRY POTTER

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  11. 29. sij

    [trying to bond with my new coworkers] me: you guys like harry potter? [they continue trying to resuscitate the patient] me: *loudly over flatline noise* DO YOU GUYS LIKE HARRY POTTER

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. sij
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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    Fun ways to dump your bf on twitter: -change your display name to “rob we’re breaking up” -ask your new bf to tweet about your relationship and dm it to rob -tweet “mfw single” with a photo of rob’s face -put your new bf’s @ in your bio and wait for rob to notice -rob it’s over

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Injury in your 20s: no worries, some ice and rest and it'll be good as new Injury in your 30s: welp, guess I only have one good knee forever now

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. srp 2019.

    [First sunset] HIM: HER: HIM: HER: HIM: HER: HIM: Is that… you think that’s a problem?

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  17. 24. sij

    heading outside to see what this opportunity is. i'll update this thread as soon as i find out

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  18. 24. sij
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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    boss: can we talk about the company-wide email you sent out me: it was a critical update boss: it just says "i'm back on my bullshit" me: people need to know

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    just found out the danish word for jellyfish is literally water man and am cracking up at the idea that while other languages were naming them after medusa or whatever some danish dude was like "nah that's a water guy"

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    any of my how my girlfriend tweets describes me 🤝 "it's dumb but i love it"

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