Between my sis and I, it’s like a horrible game of musical chairs, and we never know when the music will stop playing, which one of us will be there when she draws her final breath, and how awful it might be for her.
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She could go peacefully in her sleep, or suffocate while awake. And whoever is there has to see and remember it, and the one who isn’t there will feel trrrible for missing it.
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Btw, I’ve been keeping this journey in the same thread in case folks need to mute it. Many have reached out to me to offer support and comfort, but I know this issue is pretty raw for a lot of people too. Mute at will, I won’t be offended. We all have to take care of ourselves
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For those that have reached out, if I haven’t responded, I hope you understand. This is all a little overwhelming. Please know that I’ve read every message, and deeply appreciate your support and kindness.
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Sis is with Mom this Mother’s Day, and they shared mimosas. Nurses have said she’s “transitioning”, medical-speak for actively dying. She’ll be bedridden soon, her breathing and strength both very weak. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for what will be her last Mother’s Day.
pic.twitter.com/NObHOe52Nx
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She’s not very coherent at times (because brain tumors and heavy meds). Sis said mom told her that “She could see Texas”, and we’re still trying to figure out if that’s heaven or hell.
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One of my favorite memories of her was when we were little and she’d have to drive the trash cans down to the street. When she’d drop it off, she’s let us sit in the trunk with it open and swerve all over the road. Was SO FUN. Like our own rollercoaster. We’d giggle like idiotspic.twitter.com/AGQd7894mk
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We’re likely down to hours, not days now - tho that broad is stubborn, so who knows. She’s on liquid morphine and haldol now, and is mostly unresponsive. Her best friend from HS asked if she could talk to her one last time and that’s sticking in my craw as particularly sad.
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I’ve never spoken to someone knowing it would be the last time. There’s probably some good closure in there, but it strikes me as so profoundly sad. It’s weighing on my heart a lot tonight.
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She’s gone. Thank you to all who sent love.
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The initial feeling of “Fuck, what am I supposed to be doing right now? How are all of these assholes going about normal life like nothing happened?!” softens over time but it’s tough for a while 
Le chargement semble prendre du temps.
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