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Trans people are already pathologized/stigmatized so heavily. Experiencing trauma can make you feel like there's something wrong with you. Unhealed trauma can be excruciating. All that can make trans trauma survivors especially vulnerable to conversion therapy/practices.
We need more research on how trans people are affected by trauma and potential interactions between gender dysphoria and trauma. Misinformation needs to be debunked and we need more information to create better resources for trans trauma survivors and people trying to untangle...
...gender dysphoria and trauma. There are plenty of detrans people talking about how trauma caused them to develop gender dysphoria but a lot of these people belong to very ideological groups and I know firsthand that it's possible to be indoctrinated into these theories.
If you go to ex-gay ministries, you can find a lot of people who believe trauma and bad family relationships made them develop "same-sex attractions" but a lot of people wouldn't take their stories at face value and research doesn't back them up. People can come to believe...
...all kinds of explanations if they think it will reduce their suffering or get them support from other people. I came to believe that past trauma made me trans because I hurt a lot and I wanted to stop suffering. I felt alone in my pain and joining the detrans community...
...made me feel less alone. It also reinforced my self-hatred and internalized transphobia. It further traumatized me. I'm sorry for all the times I asserted a connection between trauma and trans identity. It was wrong and irresponsible but I truly believed it at the time.
I thought that was my story. I really thought I was helping people. I wasn't even helping myself. Believing that hurt me so badly. I don't want other people to get hurt like I did. I wouldn't trust anyone who rushes to assert a connection between trauma and being trans.
Working through my trauma helped me accept being trans because it reduced my self-hatred and rejection and helped me love and accept myself as I am. I can understand why I thought there could be a connection between my past trauma and my sense of gender because I was attacked...
... and mistreated a lot for being very gender nonconforming/ambiguous. It would've been helpful to explore that possibility without any assumptions about what relationship, if any, there was between trauma and my gender. Let me figure out what was going on instead of trying...
...to fit my life into a predetermined theory. Working with the raw feelings left behind by trauma is hard and confusing. Turning to theories that seem explain your problems and offer clear solutions can be very tempting compared to facing past pain directly.
I think there are going to be a lot of trans trauma survivors coming out transphobic detrans communities with new wounds to heal from. It's devastating to realize the community you went to for healing actually hurt you more. A lot of the "support" I got no longer seems genuine.
I'm sorry for the role I played in spreading harmful ideas about trauma and trans identity. I'm sorry to anyone who's been negatively impacted by those ideas, whether by internalizing them or having others use them against you. I hope you get whatever you need to heal from that.
It pains me now to watch transphobic groups spread these theories in order to argue for conversion practices for trans people, trans youth in particular. I'm horrified to be honest. This shit hurt me so badly, the idea of it being pushed on youth makes me so upset and angry.
I'm so tired of trans people's trauma being used against us. So tired. We don't deserve this.
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