Ky Schevers

I got to know people better in the detrans women's community but a lot of the people I got close to turned out to be toxic. Some of them treated me the same way abusive people in the queer/trans community did. The detrans women's community calls the trans community a cult...

...and I have definitely come across fucked up controlling behavior in trans spaces. But if you asked me which community was more culty, the queer/trans community or the detrans women's community, the detrans women's community was way more culty and controlling overall.

A lot of people in the detrans scene have no problem with the cultiness or controlling behavior because they're the ones with power this time, they get to make up the rules and the dogma, they get to decide who's good and bad. They're the in-group this time.

I fell into that mindset too, especially in the beginning, when the detrans women's community was first forming. It felt intoxicating, especially after feeling hurt and powerless in the scene I just left. It helped me feel more in control and gave me a sense of purpose.

I don't want people to start talking about the "detrans cult". That would be making the same mistake. Neither trans nor detrans people are especially prone to culty behavior or creating dysfunctional groups. Any group of humans can become toxic and culty in the right conditions.

I want to be around people who acknowledge that they can hurt others and work hard not to, who get that their group is not special or inherently good and who put in the work to make their group as ethical as possible. I've examined my experiences with different groups...

...and found that I've had better times with groups based on shared values and/or interests, with a range of identities and lived experiences represented. I've had more bad experiences with groups based on shared identity, especially when people think their identity is superior.

Some of my worst experiences have been with lesbian feminists/separatists. Some of them think lesbians are better than other kinds of people and dehumanize those outside of their group. That can carry over into how they treat people in their own community too.